How I broke up with an island (and why I will never get over it)

Today, I woke up and decided to be a writer again. And so I go back do the original drawing board (or writing board?). A great deal of encouragement from a friend made me realize that my love for writing never really goes away... it just goes in hiding once in a while (much to my frustration sometimes).

Reading my last entry made me realize how so much has changed for almost a year, with just very little similarities:

a) I wrote the last entry on a Sunday night.

b) I wrote it while I was home.

But other than those two, everything else had already changed. I am amazed by how much life still finds a multitude of ways to surprise us and turn everything around without us knowing it. We keep thinking how stuck we are, how nothing new ever happens... but it's only when we start looking back after some time had passed that we realize how so far out we've gone. Like the moment I read my last entry, for instance.

I am now back in the city. After almost a year and a half of living on the island, I find that I miss Boracay. TERRIBLY. From the beginning, I can't deny that I love the place with a passion... from the very first time I've set foot on it half a decade ago. I've mentally logged it in my things-to-do-before-I-die list, the so-called Bucket List: to live in Boracay at least once in my life. How I got myself there was purely by chance, and how I got myself out was just the same. All by chance. What were the odds that I'd ever live there? I guess dreams do have a way of coming true.

I remember arriving on a rainy morning in Caticlan, first flight out for the day. I had absolutely no expectations, I only wanted to embrace my newfound home with all gusto that my tiny body could handle. Outside looking in, it seemed like the perfect life, a vacation 24/7. It was, don't get me wrong. But the life lessons and experiences that came with every single day, leading to weeks, months, eventually a year was hard-fought and hard-earned. A bittersweet life from beginning to end.

I made friends and lost friends. I found the true ones and held on to them like there was no tomorrow. I fell in love for the first time in my life and right then and there, I put an end to my crazy search once and for all, deciding instead to nurture and grow the relationship with the man I am blessed with. Sometimes, I think Boracay had a big role to play in that tiny, important incident in my life.

Oh, what a beauty it is to fall in love while on the island! To have long walks on the beach while the waves lapped teasingly at our feet. To look up at countless numbers of stars while lying down on the sand with the body of that significant other brushing at your side. To spend sleepless nights talking and exchanging sweet nothings at each other's ear (other times, just screaming out senseless arguments) until the beauty of sunrise out at sea renders us speechless with awe. Imagine spending all this with a man you never thought you'd fall hopelessly, helplessly in love with. I thought nothing else could be more perfect. It wasn't just me who had these moments, by the way; a lot of lovers on the island would probably say the same things and share the same accounts. We all thought something was in the water in Boracay - something that drove people to pits of hopeless romance that even the iciest and coldest of hearts couldn't resist. Nevertheless, people fell in love with love while in Boracay, and no one could ever deny that lure.

I laughed and loved, found myself in occasional moments of loneliness, seethed with anger I didn't imagine I could ever feel, been in countless drunken stupor, worked my body to weariness, yet still found ways to enjoy life every chance I could, normally with the help of music and dance, moonlight and waves, all with a celebrated cocktail in hand. Happiness ran over my body like an electric jolt hitting the water every time I realize where I am. I never got tired of it, never got tired of seeing the same beach with the same waves and the same sand every single day and night. It was the best time of my life, to be in a place where you can be at your happiest, loneliest, craziest, quietest, most vulnerable and most in love... and what made it even better was spending it all in a place I never thought I'd find myself living in.

While I will never exchange Manila for any place in the world, I think it does the soul a whole wonder of good to discover and fall in love with other places in the process. I've successfully hauled myself out there and tried living in a couple of other destinations in the past couple of years, and taking a little of something from those places back with me is the best gift I've given myself. It opens up the self and the mind to a lot of possibilities, that there is so much more to life than the usual daily grind. It's amazing how so much energy there is out there, really.

But for now, I'm parked once more in my beloved city. This could be temporary, this could be permanent. Nothing is ever really known, except that I will keep dreaming of new places to be in and new experiences to go through, whether good or bad. If there is one thing that makes me feel alive, it's the beauty of a new place and discovering every unknown curve, every bended corner. But since Boracay gave me the best and most unexpected gift, I wouldn't have to go through anything by myself anymore. :)

Finally!

OK. No more time for excuses. I have completely abandoned this blog for ages, and saying I have no time to update is purely rubbish. I have time, plenty of it. I've just been catatonic for the most part that instead of sitting down to put life into words, I choose to just stare off into space and idle away. Not really the healthiest activity.

So, mid-year updates begin now. I can't believe it is already August and still, I have no concrete plan to rule the world. Shame. Seriously though, my life is still the same as it had been for the past how many months, just sprinkles of action here and there but overall, plain uneventful. But it's been a happy first half of the year. Let's see how 2010 rolls out 'til the finish line.

The early part of 2010 was spent hibernating on the beach. J and I spent tons of time together, we were literally inseparable 24/7, which I think is pretty cool. It's like hanging out with your best friend every single day, except that of course, there's a lot of googoo-eyes, cheesy lovey dovey in between (which I'll spare the details of). I think our past 6 months were spent just being attached to each other's hip - from spending the holidays in '09 back in Manila, all the way to summer on the beach.

Summer in Boracay was glorious, albeit the tons of work that came with it. J managed to find a job on the island, which was an absolute blessing. I still think of ways to poke people's eyes with a pencil while at work, but it's just a matter of getting used to that made me survive, methinks. Stress Management is not an easy course to take. Then mid-summer, J received a wonderful opportunity of flying abroad for work, which has been his dream. I think it's all in God's plan for him, so as difficult as it was, I let him be. I kept telling him that being abroad was one of the defining moments in my life, and I want him to experience the highs and lows that come with being in a foreign land by yourself. It builds a different kind of strength, and it opens your mind up to so many things. I honestly think this experience will do him a whole lot of good.

July just passed by, which means I turned another leaf over. The realization that we're not getting any younger gets more and more haunting with every added year, and it really is time to finally carve out my path once and for all. As for me, it's still island living, although I've been trying to sort out life and what I really want from it. The other good thing about this month is being home for quite some time, spending a lot of quality time with family, friends, and my bed. My spirit still yearns for adventure and spontaneity, and I continue to hope for the next big curve on the road ahead. Once in a while, it doesn't hurt to go on a little sidetrip.

Today, I'm greatly thankful to be able to spend a quiet Sunday at home... after a looong time. Tomorrow, it's back to my island grind, and so I bid my beloved city adieu for now.

Out of the loop

This is how absolutely out of touch I am with the world. I just found out (like, 20 minutes ago) that Nicole Richie is now a proud mother of TWO.

Since when??? I honestly thought Harlow is still in diapers, but now she's all human and walking, and there's another mini Benjie Madden bouncing about in Richie's arms. (He is the father, isn't he?)

I have to stop complaining that I have been so out of the loop; I did throw myself to island seclusion for about a year, come to think of it... which I hope is about to end really soon.

Heaven don't fail me now!

Sweeter the second time around

I can't believe Sex and the City 2 is showing in a matter of months! I better be in the city (or any place with a movie house... for crying out loud!) to catch this. I need my dose of fabness, I am drastically losing my city steam on the island.

*Sigh* I adore you, Carrie B.

One more thing I love right now... Katherine Heigl's bob on the cover of InStyle. She is too cute.

I've been wanting so much to have a change of hairstyle, because my hair hasn't been too good to me lately. I think it's the salt in the air that damages it, and besides, I don't have a lot of hair essentials to keep my crown in tip top shape (hair dryer, hair iron, serum, etc etc etc) but anyway... wouldn't Katherine's bob look nice?

The dress obsession

I love dresses. I am absolutely a sucker for dresses of any kind. Short dress, maxi dress, sun dress, cocktail dress... you name it! I can't remember the first time I fell in love with dresses, but it was probably sometime during my Summit Media stint (it did help that I was working with a bunch of fashionistas and surrounded by fashion magazines at the time). If I wanted a pretty pick-me-upper, dresses never fail to disappoint.

I probably have more dresses than I do normal clothes, i.e. jeans, shirts, etc., which is really apt considering I live in a place where dresses are the norm, and jeans are taboo. Just look at this beauty and tell me you wouldn't want to be in it while walking on the beach?
I hear they have a lot of this kind of dresses at D'Talipapa, but the way I spend my off days here basically consists of being a furniture for a day, i.e. stationary in bed and watching TV. I should try shopping there for a change.

Lately, I've also been having an affinity with white dresses, maybe because I've been tanning more and more every week. I am especially loving this crisp, classic look:

I love how the eyelets and gladiator sandals give it a very boho yet retro feel to it. Top that with big earrings and a Victoria's Secret-ish mane (see Mischa Barton) and it's the perfect summer look. ;)

All this dress adoration must have sprung after watching the Oscars, and falling in love with Rachel McAdams' Ellie Saab gown. From the moment I saw the colors and the flow of the dress, I was sold.

It's THE. PERFECT. DRESS. I love the color, I love the cut, and I love the girl wearing it. I love everything about it! The moment I saw it, I already pictured a shorter version, and I've been drooling ever since. It's so flattering, and Rachel is stunning in this number.

Maybe all this springs from the fact that I can't really dress up while I'm here... I mean, there's really nowhere to go except the beach. I've been wearing Havaianas for the past 7 or so months, my feet can't even remember what it's like to wear heels anymore! I can't wait until the time comes that I get to doll up again, vavavoom dress, killer shoes, pretty make-up and all. :)

Love Thursday revival

When was the last time I’ve written a Love Thursday? I think it’s been a good couple of years already! So here I am, reviving what I said would be a blog habit. Tsk, I am so bad at keeping my word.

As a resurrection of sorts, this week’s Love Thursday is about the boys I love most in Boracay.

Miguel, Pao, Jeff

I started hanging out with these three from the time I practically landed on the island, and it’s been a great friendship ever since. Although there were some really rocky times that messed things at some point, what matters is that everyone’s ok now. So ok, that I even ended up with one of them (insert blush here).

The above picture was taken recently during Miguel’s last weekend on the island. He flew home for good today, and it was sad to see him go. They were literally laughing their asses off after Jeff pulled off a really funny joke, and for a moment, it was just like the old times. I love looking at this picture, how it captured that fleeting moment of uncontrollable laughter. It’s moments like those that make it all bearable.

But I wouldn’t have it any other way, I’m happier the way things are going. Even if there are some people who have to say goodbye.

A block of blank

Whoa. It's almost March and this has just been my FIRST 2010 entry??? This is so bad.

I have to admit, I've been slacking off on writing. Not even slacking, I feel like I can't write anymore. I can't even write a decent entry in my journal, just to fan the flames of my love for words. I am still crazy in love with writing, don't get me wrong... it's just that I feel like I haven't been exactly giving it priority lately, hence, the so-called creative juices trickling down the drain. :(

And it's killing me! It's killing me that I feel like I can't do this right anymore, the one thing that I feel like I'm quite good at. Without this, I'd be a worthless waste of space in the universe. But anyway, I guess this is a good start. After almost a quarter of a year, I've finally decided to post something, albeit senseless and gibberish. An entry to start the year has long been overdue, and it's probably the non-stop hullaballoo of this place that has been killing my creativity keeping me from having a clear mind to jot down what's going on.

The 2009 ride

How has last year been? Boy oh boy, where do I even start?

In a nutshell, I spent the first half of my 2009 in peace and quiet as I did a lot of recharging and soul-searching (which also translates to jobless and stuck at home), then the latter part literally whisked off on an island followed by some of the most turbulent experiences of my life.

I have been working non-stop since I finished school back in 2004; having that hiatus was a first for me, and a much needed one, too. It was time for me to heal, to just slow down, smell the flowers, and spend more time with family and friends that I wasn't able to do much of previously. And I loved every minute of it, thinking back now. Although it seemed like I didn't get to accomplish much, it was still time that I never would've been able to give myself on any other occasion. I was able to travel, meet new people, read, write, hang out, spend summer; I find it a real blessing that I was able to keep myself afloat financially that I'd been able to be with people who matter more, go to a lot of places, and do a lot of things. ;)

Then my adventure-loving soul just had to get the best of me. Just after I hit my 26th mark, I found myself packing my bags again for another big jump - on to Boracay this time. I decided to accept a job offer that will have me based on the island, and it didn't take long for me to realize that a rare opportunity such as living on the beach doesn't come often, so off I flew for another change of scenery (literally!). If at first I thought it would be a stress-free island living from the get-go, I was dead wrong.

I've never met people who meddled into other's people's lives so notoriously like it was the most natural thing for them to do. And I've never had people (who claimed to be my friends from the start. I say GOOD RIDDANCE!) talk so negatively about other people, but here it's like a pasttime. Yup, I was greeted with a lot of that - plastic nation, traitors, betrayals, etc. - and it was a huge reality check. I mean, how to deal? I've never had the privilege of having such bad company around me (I have the coolest bunch of friends and ex-officemates back home, thank you very much), that going through such an ordeal was remotely alien to me. It's bad enough that I'm with this bunch on a 24/7 basis, I work, live, and (sadly) even party with them. For an island so small, there's no way to escape.

I learned so many things from as early as my first few weeks. I've made so many mistakes too, and involved people who were leading quiet lives jump into my neverending quest for drama. It was hard to deal with, most especially not having my usual support system to back me up, and I had to learn to stand on my own and admit to my mistakes, to the hurtful things I've done. The even worse thing is, everyone's business is everyone's business in this place.

But ironically, I'm still thankful I had to go through what I went through. Not only did it toughen me up more, I had one of the most beautiful and unexpected surprises ever. Everything did happen for a reason, and I'd go through all that ruckus again just to be where I am now. :)


The best bit of 2009?

Like I said all that drama wasn't for nothing. 'Nuff said.

I love the island life, more than anything. If given a choice, I'd want to spend some more years of this if I could. Even if the working environment isn't exactly my cup of tea, and I'd still offer myself to the creativity and vibrance of the writing world, Boracay is just so hard to fall out of love with.