what a year this has been, what a rare mood i'm in

i can't believe it's the last day of the year. less than 24 hours and it's really goodbye 2005. cheers for a great and crazy year! i couldn't have had it any other way.

this year gave me a spankin' new job, which i still find so full of surprises even to date. i met loads of really amazing people left and right, from the most fasyon and creative, uber-successful power-women in the city, to drop-dead gorgeous models i still drool over, to a handful of celebrities who don't even strike me as "stars" anymore. i've had my fill of escapades in the most amazing beaches this year. i was finally able to set foot on boracay for the first time and cannot describe how much i've fallen in love with it. i can always go on and on talking about how beautiful bora is, gushing relentlessly how i left my heart somewhere on its ethereally white sands. i've been fortunate to chill at puerto galera for a couple of times with friends and has always loved every minute of my stay there. my wanderlust is getting worse, it's time to bring out the big guns and explore big(ger) places.

i'm even daring myself to explore a completely unknown place all by myself sometime in the near future. a really far place. think sagada far. hmm that should be an interesting dare i ought to do this coming year.

speaking of things to do to enjoy ohsix, i don't want to think of resolutions because knowing me, i've never kept my word on any resolution for the past 22 years so i'll shut it. instead, i did a sort of goals-slash-ambitions to do-slash-accomplish this year, including my backpack-alone-trip-to-faraway-place plan. i've shortlisted it for the meantime since i haven't exactly thought about it seriously, just picking stuff off the top of my head as usual.

(1) the ultimate goal to quit smoking - i really need to and i really want to. i keep telling myself that the time to quit starts at the strike of 2006. my time is almost up, i gotsa gotsa gotsa do this once and for all.

(2) save up - as if that needs any emphasis. i'm really proud and somewhat surprised that i've actually saved a little amount before oh-five closed up. it's crazy but i want to save up for a trip somewhere really far. i'm talking somewhere like thailand far. yeah we gotta aim beyond the stars. and i'm not gonna stop saving 'til i make that one dream happen. not to mention my never-ending list of gadget must-haves i'm dying to get, i.e. digicam, PSP, a brand new cellphone, iBook (yeah right), etc etc etc.

(3) learn how to surf - i've been whining to myself that i want to learn how to ride a surfboard and take surfing lessons. i saw PGMA do so on the news the other night in la union, so gardemmit if the freakin' almost-60-year-old president can do it and her fatso husband (who can't, for the fats of him, get himself on the board) then i know i freakin' can, too. and i proclaim oh-six my surfing year!!!

(4) beach-hop 'til i don't stop - summer's just a blow away so yes... plenty of trips to the beach, please. which will then lead me to my next goal...

(5) have a pussycat-doll-like body - it wouldn't hurt if i start dancing like one too. but yes, i have gotsa shed off the unwanted fat i seem to have accumulated the past months. more so this holiday season. and no, smoking isn't an option anymore. so i really have to start working it. pota naman 22 pa lang ako, tumatapa na!

hmm what else? there's the beach, there's the money part, learn how to surf, have a super killer bod. oh ok ok fine, i better let this last one off my chest, whaddaheck baduy na kung baduy....

(6) the possibility of falling in love - (insert looooong barfing scene) i finally and shamelessly admit!! it's been a long time since the last time i did, and though that didn't end as well as it should have, i still don't regret it. but the thing is, it's been more than a 2-year break already and i'm kinda getting tired of this whole me-time i've been giving myself. it's about time i start growing up and appreciating the beauty of life alongside someone else now (and no, edison chen does not count). a friend once said that i need not let someone complete me, i should be complete in my own way before i enter a relationship. and believe me, i'm more than complete now. i'm more than ok, i couldn't possibly love myself anymore than i already do. i've never felt better in my life, and being in love once again would be the perfect icing on my 2006 cake :)

besides, i don't blame Him for taking His time while writing the perfect love story for me. He knows i have a long list of standards i dearly uphold to. He can take His sweet, divine time, this trooper has been waiting long and hard and she can still wait some more *wink*

so hurrah! as 2005 comes to a close, i have nothing but great things to say. though it wasn't a year big on drama like how my past years were, 2005 gave me a chance to reflect on me and my life and why i should be loving and appreciating me more since that is the best gift i can possibly give to myself. so i'm very cool now. i've grown up. i think i can pretty much handle things on my own now, which is very kick-ass IMO.

cheers to 2006! may you be a year full of more fun, excitement, love, knowledge, experience, escapades, friendships, faith, hope, strength, and just because i need it, more money! i'm being honest, i need it and i want ohsix to be the year i start making it happen. i want to do more and i want to be more.

so bring it on! it's my 23rd year on earth and i'm so ready for it all bitch :)

remembering the birthday boy

i have been so rattled recently because i could not not not, for the life of me, not find good presents to give to anyone. my holiday spirit sort of took a dive because of the fact that i can't figure out something as simple as that. since this has always been my favoritest holiday of them all, i decided not to let that hold my yuletide cheer down. maybe if i diverted my attention on the big Boy who celebrates His birthday today, i would have a different perspective of what today is really all about.

it's His birthday so maybe i should be giving Him a present instead of everyone else. but you know what they say, God is in all of us so yeah, that isn't an excuse.

so i want to greet Jesus, the main Man in my life, a very happy birthday! this is going to be all about Him because really, no one has stuck with me as much as He has. when even i, myself, was on the brink of giving up and calling it quits because of my... unworthiness... He was still cheering me on. i don't quite understand why He still hasn't smite me after all that i've done. i've become my own worst nightmare one way or the other and have often strayed away from Him, but believe me when i say that i can't recall a time when He has ever turned me down. looking back on this year, i couldn't be more thankful for everything that has happened to me. it's like i'm afraid of all the good things happening in my life because there might be something in exchange for that. no one really knows His ways, so all i can do is be thankful and give back to Him in my own way. i'm even thankful for the failures because i think i've been very much stronger from them and i really feel like i've grown up now compared to how i was before. i seriously still need a lot of work, but i am more than willing to have Him do the finishing touches because i know i can never go wrong with that. having Him in the center of my everything has been the best choice i have ever made.

He has kept my family strong and healthy, first and foremost. i couldn't ask for anything more than that. i still have to control my temper once in a while, but i know i'm improving. i really should, i never want to see myself blow my top off ever again. not to my family, not to my friends, not even to strangers. it's never fair to anyone, plus it's not healthy and i've realized that the hard way. like how all the important lessons in life are learned. i'm just happy that i don't have to worry right now because all four people that matter most in my life are upstairs, sleeping soundly in their own beds. that's more than enough for me to be thankful for this Christmas, the fact that i spent the whole day with my entire family. =)

o come all ye

i spent the former part of christmas eve day with libby, catching up with her once and for all like how we always do before christmas. she was supposed to give me a shih tzu pup but unfortunately, the babies didn't make it. my whole family was devastated because we were really looking forward to the little household addition, but i guess this isn't the right time for that. it's enough that we still have our little bundle of footlong-sized joy in the form of our 2-year old dachshund, chacha.

beware of the laser eyes. this dog kills.

my older cousins decided to rent a videoke machine to give the neighbors a harder time to sleep that night. my younger cousins couldn't do without alcohol for the rest of the night, either. so we spent all of christmas eve belting out song after song with our good ol' christmas buddies san, mig and light. here's my dad shaking his bootie to the tune of macho gwapito. ooh la la.

me at the far left hyperventilating from laughing . check out the look on my sister's face. yeah, she's feelin' it.

although i was a little ashamed that night because i did something stupid *again* which ended in a major fight with my brother. right at the strike of christmas! i can't blame my dad for his frustration, but love prevails in the end. so bok and i hugged and made up before we all ruined each others' christmases. ain't that what this season is all about? oh how i love all the drama.

so christmas comes to a close, and i can't think of spending it any other way than with the people i've just spent it with. it's going to take exactly another 365 days of anticipation 'til the next one rolls in but for the meantime, i'm embracing this one until it slowly slips off my grip. once again, i have no words for how thankful i am for this year and this life. i continue to pray i become the better version of myself every single day. every single day. not just for me, but for everyone else around me who deserve nothing but love, love, love. i want to live love and i want to love love.

the vera cousins in serious videoke and san mig mode.

the loves of my life. the other one was too stonked to join in on the late-night fun.

and so we camwhore. sis, we gotta sleep.

merry christmas, darlings.

what's in a name?

here's the deal, it's ok if a few people mispronounce my name once in a while, i.e. mee-ca instead of mai-ca. but it starts to get a wee bit disturbing when everyone has learned and gotten used to saying it that way. i used to throw a fit when i hear mee-ca; i feel like it demoralizes my name in a way. and i should be doing something about it because i like my name. just by hearing mai-ca, i feel that it already says a lot about the kind of personality that i have. mai-ca sounds perky, playful, cheeky, naughty in a something's-up-her-sleeve way: traits that i embody. however, having to correct people everytime has become too much of a chore, and they never seem to get it right for some reason i don't understand (is it so much better to remember mee-ca than mai-ca?) it must be with how it is spelled. tendency is mica to be initially read as mee-ca. so eventually, i learned to let it be and just take it in stride. now i go by two names: mee-ca and mai-ca.

i guess i should learn to stand up for my name's sake, but the way i do it: how people say my name is how i categorize them as whether they are merely acquaintances (mee-ca) versus people i'm really close to, may it be among peers or colleagues (mai-ca).

here at work, i am known to almost everyone as mee-ca. last night at the company christmas party, i was tasked to be the fishbowl holder for the rest of the evening (where they pick out the raffle winners), and somehow, standing onstage and hearing my name mentioned in front of everyone as mee-ca seemed pretty normal. but come to think of it, i see ro's point. i really should start fighting for my name. i guess i don't have the heart to correct those people i practically worship with "it's mai-ca, not mee-ca. say it with me. mai-ca. mai-ca. MAI-ca!" lol. the guy who sells lunch here at the office even has the knack of calling me meecs. queeee??

maybe one of these days, i'll be well-known in the industry as maica-not-meeca siquijor. that's a pretty long name i should start getting used to. :)

Going Go Go

speaking of the christmas party last night, it was helluva fun. well, everyone else seemed to have fun. i was appointed as one of the production assistants for the night (apparently, new-hires get to be hands-on during christmas parties) so whaddaheck. i guess it saved me in disguise because had i been sitting and watching the show the whole night, i would've ended up drunk out of my wits again.

the theme was Hollywood so everyone came dressed ala-red carpet or any movie character. i dressed as Gogo Yubari from Kill Bill! it was the easiest attire i could think of since i already had the pleated skirt, the blazer, knee-high socks and white sneakers. although i didn't attempt to make her ball-on-chains weapon anymore because that would've weighed tons inside my bag. and it's disappointing that my hair isn't long enough to give my Gogo outfit justice. but still, it compensated that i looked a lot japanese for everyone to think that i came as a japanese schoolgirl instead, which is really cool. some people guessed my character right away, and it helped that i was with mm most of the night for people to recognize who we are (she was dressed as Uma, as in the Bill-killer).

i'll post pics soon! meanwhile, a taste of things to come starting with uber cute shot with myra at the "red carpet". how more adorable can this get, huh??

the mean girl - schoolgirl faceoff!

check out the v-cut on the floor. someone obviously can't wait 'til dinner.

underneath the christmas tree

my turn! i haven't thought about what i want for christmas, mainly because i think those that i REALLY REALLY want are much too expensive to be considered in my wishlist. fine, just to join in the spirit of this merry-making season, i'll try my best to come up with a good list.

+ a digicam (everyone seems to want one, noh?)
+ a brand new cellphone (the latest from nokia, from the L'Amour collection coming out in 2006, i hear.)
+ converse chuck taylor sneaks
+ hardbound Memoirs Of A Geisha book (i lost my old one in paperback)
+ brown havaianas
+ a Shih Tzu pup (libby said she'll give me one, so now i'm really craving for that new baby to arrive)
+ an Edison Chen 2006 calendar (i found one being sold on eBay!)
+ a trip to the beach
+ a surfboard (that should come with FREE surfing lessons)
+ new bikini set
+ a brand new hottie boy-toy


........sheesh. i should stop.

i wouldn't even call that a list, they just came off the top of my head. come to think of it, i don't think i really want anything specific for christmas. if there's anything i get from receiving gifts, it would just be the sheer delight of opening them. and the thought that came from the person who gave it to me, of course.

lately, i've been having a hard time sleeping at night because of the cold weather. i spend hours outside our house, either just smoking or... well, smoking. i must say this is the absolute, perfect weather to smoke to, not that i encourage it but it just feels so good along with the cool, night breeze. i really really really love this time of year! it's cool because i thought that i would lose that giddy interest for Christmas as i get older, but i'm really happy that i still have that excitement in me everytime December starts to roll in. i guess i associate this time of year with my dad coming home for a vacation. speaking of, he's coming home on the 23rd so yey! just in time for the christmas eve! i feel like it's still light years away because i want him home NOW, but at the rate time is going, i'm sure i won't even notice how 2 weeks just whizzed by.

i almost forgot, i said i'll post pictures from the party at my house held last december 3. again, nothing big a shindig; just an intimate gathering with friends. i noticed one thing though, that it gets really hard to keep tabs of friends especially now that we're all on our own. you can't make everyone be at one place and time unless they really want to. it's not like they're obliged to show up, so it must mean that if they don't make an effort to be there, it means they actually don't want to be there. i'm just glad that among my college, and even high school group, i found those who still stay true to the friendship that we started years back, and who i can really consider now as friends i can keep for years more.

this is all of us at the party held a little outside our front door. i like this picture despite the lack of lighting because it gives a different glow to our faces. IMO. that's me at the far left talking to maxie on the phone because she couldn't make it (at least she had the courtesy to call and say hi to everyone). mac's there too, see the one with the peace sign on her face. hmm maybe i should post another pic....

there you go! from L-R: prizza, mac and my best girl sarah with that look. doesn't mac look real pretty? i like her look better with short hair. we spent the whole night dancing in our living room, and though her body couldn't keep up with her energy, i knew she had tons of fun getting her groove back.

claire looks fab, as always. why do i always get my picture taken with her?? haha, but lurve her, one of my prettiest girls, and one of the few who stuck it out with me this year.

jason was there! he was our classmate in our 3rd year, but he didn't make it through senior year. still, he remained to be part of the ca1 family even up to now. doesn't sarah look gorgeous with dangling earrings? prizza's hot, too. notice john peeping from behind. creepy :)

that's ace in his best sober look. NOT! mean (pronounced me-anne, in white bolero) and del looking all prim and pretty. 'course claire wouldn't pass up any photo-op, even if it's just half her face. i forgot whose hand that was, must be john's. law's best-tasting pineapple gin mix right there. yammeeh.

with my best boy rico in our futile attempt to look fresh out of a gangster movie. he even has a cig hanging from his lip, but you can't really see because there's too much light!

badoys! boys who rape each other.... we'll miss you ace! he's flown to the west for an indefinite period of time. good thing he made it for one last party, might be the last time we'll see him for a long while. aaargh why did i not get your livestrong wristband??

EC does it

i spent an entire week totally and completely immersed in ONE thing. or person. i have no idea what i consumed to be engulfed in obsession over him for the nth, but definitely not the last, time. as i've been constantly saying for years now, if given the choice to marry anyone in the whole wide world, i'd choose him in a nanosecond. HAH! keep that pretty head in the clouds, girl.

*in a top singsong voice* Edison Chen, how i love you...

whew, talk about reliving my fangirl days. again and again and again.

i FINALLY got to watch edison's latest movie, initial d. (well, it isn't his latest, but the latest one out on dvd) even if it meant having to brave quiapo on a sunday afternoon, GO! and it was worth inhaling all the smoke and stench of that town, i tell ya. brilliant movie! and i'm not just saying that because eddie's in it, but it really is a nice movie. on a sidenote, this is definitely one for the guys. but even for someone like me who isn't that much into cars and the whole racing lot, i was hooked. it was probably all the streetracing done on zigzag mountain roads, plus all the awesome drifting. or maybe it was really just edison's presence but whatever. loves it!

ok, so it was 98% because of edison.

excuse me while i gush like a high school girl, but it also helped that the rest of the cast looked drool-worthy behind the wheel. take jay chou, the lead. he isn't even good looking, but try looking cool while doing some major kick-ass drifting, and that definitely won him huge pogi points in my book.

i was actually looking for all of edison's past movies in quiapo, but i guess the older ones aren't sold anymore. that means a trip down chinatown one of these days, then.

oh gawd. reread what just wrote in previous paragraph, and realized it sounded anything but sane. what am i starting to become?? need. real. man. NOW.

Shorty, your Bridget Jones moment is Getting Carried Away

Ever hear of the snowball effect? It's when a teeny tiny snowball starts at the top of the mountain and turns into a boulder by the time it reaches the bottom. This is how you tend to react to, well, lots of things. A fleeting glance from the object of your affection (or is that obsession?) might be all you need to drop everything in hot pursuit. Let's look at the bright side: you're motivated.You'll do whatever it takes to get what you want. And if things don't work out the way you planned, it's not for lack of trying. Staying open to new ideas and people is what makes you, like Bridget, a cool person to be around.

ah well, there really is a Bridget Jones in all of us then. this one just nailed it for me.

first december weekend

wow. and only 23 shuteyes to go until christmas. how fast can time get??

it is so not cool because i still can't friggin' feel christmas in the air despite the cold weather and what with all the christmas decor possibly everywhere i look. and before i know it, christmas will be over and it's like it never even came. it's funny because i got to catch that christmas COD presentation over at greenhills last weekend and got nostalgic as hell because the last time i caught that was in cubao (while it was still THE place to be) way back when i was about 4 years old, michel was still a tiny little monster waiting to happen, and bok wasn't even born to make trouble then. but still, i can't feel the excitement; around this time, i usually start feeling very giddy like crazy. well, maybe i can start it by actually splurging on myself, finally!

yes, there is a vow i made with myself somewhere between the past and the present which firmly states that i am giving myself full authority to spend and shop entirely for me this season. gawd as if i need another pep talk, but i really really need all the new stuff i can get, just to replenish myself and you know... new year, new me. cool, now i sound very cosmopolitan.

apart from the fact that i am getting very inspired from rachel bilson after discovering her super chic wardrobe (thanks myra!). i don't really follow the OC (but laguna beach on MTV, i'm a fan) but everytime i do catch an episode, it's so refreshing to check out summer's laid-back/chic style (even for mischa barton's character, marissa) that makes me want to raid 168 pronto and give myself that long-deserved shopping spree once and for all. i got half of my 13th month pay and i am really trying to set my shopping priorities straight so i don't go around impulsively buying things i don't really need versus those that have been pending on my list for quite sometime now i.e., japeks chuck taylors at greenhills tiangge. *sob* goody, i can't wait to make myself flat broke again.

wheee, and we're having a party with college peeps tomorrow at my house! can't wait to see everyone again, the pics should be crazy. camwhores, kamoown!!

cool ka lang

i need to get rid of my demons. i remember telling myself when i was younger that i wouldn't grow old to be like those people who instantly blow up from taking shit out of everything, but somehow i seem to be directed in the same path. for some silly reason, i seem to be losing it (my mind, mind you) even from the simplest things. exhibit A: me having an insane argument with a taxi driver one stressful friday afternoon wherein i had to make it to this editing house in makati before it closes at 6PM after getting back from an errand all the way in QC. darna kung darna, but unfortunately, this darna doesn't know how to fly. timecheck: 5:30pm, and taxi (with me in it) was still conveniently circling the streets of san antonio village to even care about my growing-by-the-second anxiety. in the end, he dropped me off at the wrong spot (well, about 2 streets away from my supposed location) and blamed me for not knowing where i'm going. excuse me. before i knew it, i was screaming at the top of my lungs from frustration at the poor old man who didn't have a clue what kind of superstorm he went up against. hey i'm not being overly maldita here, he started screaming at me too! we were like chimps screeching at each other and fighting over a stupid banana. ang babaw. i thought he was going to punch me at some point but i didn't care, i was ready to physically assault him anyways from my own anger. with all 5'2" and 100 lbs. of me, it scares me how in-your-face my temper gets. sometimes i really think i can seriously get hurt one of these days.

yes, i know i was rude. there should always be that respect for the elders or the superiors, which i obviously lacked. but being older doesn't always guarantee respect, you also have to learn to respect those younger than you. you see, i firmly believe respect is earned. in everything that we do, i believe one has to deserve respect to gain it. hindi yung mang-aapak ka ng tao dahil alam mong mas mataas ka sa kanila, or worse, dahil mas bata. kung tutuusin, mas mataas pa ang respeto ko sa mga ordinaryong taong nakikita lang sa kalsada, yun bang mga taong bakas na sa mukha and hirap ng paghahanap-buhay, o dili kaya'y sa mga inosenteng bata kasi parang andu'n palagi ang respeto nila sa iba. sabihin nang walang pinag-aralan o hindi nakatapos ang karamihan at walang magarang trabaho, pero ikumpara ang gano'ng pag-uugali sa mga taong nakapagtapos nga at nasa mataas na posisyon. hindi ba parang sila pa yung kung makatrato ng ibang mas mababa pa sa kanila eh parang haring tumatrato ng alipin. respeto lang, sa kahit kaninong tao at makakasigurong babalik din ang respeto sa'yo. walang panigurado na porke ikaw ay nakakalamang sa iba ay mas mataas ang respetong matatamasa mo. nirerespeto ka nga pag ika'y nakaharap, pero nakakasiguro ka bang gano'n pa din ang respeto sa'yo pag ika'y nakatalikod?

and that was the first time i ever saw her mad like that. it felt like being a completely different person, blurting out hurtful word after hurtful word. it didn't help that it was being said at a decibel higher than normal. i kept telling people and myself that i don't usually get angry because i don't know how, but i think the reason why i don't is really because i wouldn't be able to control myself once i do. just like a volcano who suddenly erupts after a long sleep. but the thing is, i felt terrible after. i felt terrible that i had to let everything out in such a manner. or that i even had to let it out at all. i've always been peace-loving which i got from my dad who takes things in stride with unwavering pleasantry. he usually falls silent when ticked as if deep in thought, but learns to fire up when something is obviously very wrong. now i'm starting to become more and more like my mom, fiery and feisty at just about every little annoying thing. not that i find anything wrong with that, i just fear that i might get worse through the years, and i'm only 22. i told my mom about my increasing crankiness, and she simply says, "it can't be helped. you're getting older." ay lintsak! then i really don't want to grow old. pull me out of the fuckin' "real world" if i have to. i'd rather be young at heart and spare myself from the possibility of being cranky the rest of my life.

nakanampuch, who would've thought i'd take growing up and being in the "real world" this seriously to be affected by it's everyday demands? wala naman atang "real world" eh, it's only the people who seem to be losing their glow and youth from life's problems who say how "life is so hard in the real world". why choose to drown in life's problems then? there is so much more to be done other than cursing the hardships of "the real world". just because we're not getting any younger doesn't mean we have to start feeling old. you can hit 65 but still be young at heart, youth doesn't know no age. i'd hate to say i myself am losing my glow or even worse, the spontaneous spirit of my youth, but i'd put it this way: life in this world is hard. period. ito ang real world, ang buhay natin, ang buhay ng bawat tao. hindi yung nagtatrabaho na at du'n pa lang mararanasan ang "real world". buhay estudyante, hindi ba "real world" din yun? buhay pagkabata ay "real world" pa rin. lahat ng nangyayari sa atin ay totoo, kaya simula't-simula ng pagkakasilang natin sa mundo ay nasa "real world" na tayo. you start facing problems and dealing with crises all the days of your life. they may not be as hard as the problems of other people, but heck they are still problems to be dealt with in our reality. ang problema ay problema, may natututunan lagi sa huli. ano bang point nito? na dapat hindi natin kinukumpara ang problema, o ang buhay natin sa buhay ng iba. dahil bawat isa may krus na dinadala, nasa pagdadala lang ang pagkakaiba. if we learn to smile at the problem and learn to live life fully, then i think that is where the big difference lies.

tama bang sermonan ang sarili? but i think i really do need that reminder, for me to learn to cool my head when i feel the sudden urge to strangle someone. ngumiti na lang. sayang din kasi, for every minute spent in anger or irritation or being pissed is a minute of happiness wasted. kahit isang minuto lang yun, napakalaking sayang pa din sa oras. at respeto lang sa lahat ng tao, sa lahat ng bagay, at lalung-lalo na sa sarili. kung sila ang hindi marunong rumespeto, at least masasabi kong ako marunong. ngitian na lang ang problema, magmukha nang baliw kakangiti at least masaya (or pinapasaya) ang buhay. kesa naman magmukhang bugnuting mahadera sa kakasimangot at kakaproblema sa mga problemang hindi naman talaga mawawala sa buhay.
















kewl. i feel better already. ;-)

signs of the times

i think i owe it to my blog that i haven't written for weeks now to finally write something of decency about what's been happening to me. the only reason i have been putting off writing is because my bora entry will completely disappear from this blog's index page and stocked in the archives where no one else will get to see it again for good. and it is a big deal to me, considering i stare and reminisce at what would be the last reminder of when i knew what complete peace of mind, the feeling of being lost to nature's beauty, and a good time felt like. but maybe it's also for the better. i have to move on from the beach hangover once and for all; as what i constantly tell myself, there are other beaches to explore. although every inch of me is still screaming to go back and make beach-bumming a profession, i will just have to wait until i discover a new beach to fall head-over-heels in love with (one word: AMANPULO). not to mention work multiple jobs to actually afford going to one.

wow, this really makes me realize how much i miss writing. i cannot believe i have completely neglected the past weeks just to "save" bora, but now it feels like gushing to a best friend a really juicy secret i have been dying to spill for so long. not that anything exciting has actually happened recently, that's the other problem. i can only count about two blog-worthy moments off the top of my head:

(1) the FHM Girls Next Door event last november 10, which was a total bore if you ask me. of course coming from a man-loving specimen all the way, i just didn't have the hormonal drive to appreciate girls work it on the ramp. the event went by smoothly, and the press people had a field day about it which is my job's primary concern. instead of ogling over the girls like them dirty old men did, i spent about half of the night trying to strike a conversation with this cute boy that caught my fancy, who in the end, still didn't give me the time of day. to anyone reading this, shaking their heads and thinking to themselves "what a loser," i completely agree. note to self: stop acting like some superfine bombshell especially when there are already a roster of superfine mommas abound wearing clothes close to nothing! or better yet, wait until the guy actually gets a little tipsy before making any move, then work it from there. the latter is more feasible, i would say.

hamming it up with some FHM boyzzzzzz

(2) *i'm not really sure if i should be blogging this, but whaddaheck i really have nothing else to write about anyways* i seemed to have developed a crush (finally!) on someone. again. after years of being romantically stagnant, or to coin a phrase i'd like to think i invented, "cricket sounds in my heart"... i have finally admitted (actually, more like forced) to myself that yes, i like a guy. again. let me rewind to a couple of years back, the only topic of conversation i have initiated with every friend possible in the not-so-long-ago past was the last time i seriously remembered liking someone. and no, it wasn't my ex. let me just clear that one up before people start speculating. it was someone more fortunate to get my attention, but too stupid to take it for granted. anyways yun lang. the point of this not-even-blog-worthy-after-all gibberish is just the fact na may crush na ulit ako. kahit na pilit lang at walang kwenta dahil may gf naman yung tao (paksheeeeet!!), basta may crush na ulit ako. happyhappy puso.

i also found the past week interesting, i have spent a lot of time hanging out and catching up with college galpals after work. sarah's 2 month LOA is about to end, and she opted to spend those remaining days lazing away in coffeeshops until closing time with the best combo possible: yosi, kape, at maraming daldal. and fine, the cool night breeze of the makati business district without the usual office frenzy. and i was finally able to see mac again! just last saturday night at her brothers' gig in some bar along katipunan, the farthest place i have gone to for a gimmick (i had to take the LRT2 for the first friggin' time). she's doing much much better, and if i may say so, even more beautiful than before. it's really nice to see her back in maldita action once again. although she's a bit toned down now, more tame, more mature about her actions... i dunnow. in a way she's changed too. her aura is a bit different, there's this enigmatic seriousness about her now. i know she's not completely done nursing herself from the trauma, but glad to say she's definitely bouncing back in the cirkulo of the walang-ginawa-kundi-tumambay gang. i'm so happy to see her again after so long.

and yes, christmas is definitely huurrr!!! again, i'm giddy like a five-year-old waiting for Santa, just like how i've always been the past Christmases of my life. and like any Christmas musings, still wondering how I could possibly lessen the too-cool Christmas atmosphere, i.e. paano mababawasan ang pagiging masyadong malamig ng Pasko. oh but it's cool, i've had cold Christmases for the past 22 years, i'm sure this Christmas won't be any different. although i could really use this time of year (*cough* 13th month pay *cough*) as an excuse to revamp my really-calling-for-help wardrobe and splurge on every item that has taken my fancy for this year. hah. who's having a cold Christmas now? my dad is coming home for the holidays, and i can't wait that the house will be back to life once again. there's also the lingering promise of a family beach getaway that i reallyreallyreally wish those two oldies will keep. i'm actually excited to beach-bum with my siblings capped with the most outrageous drinking session all three of us will probably have together. haha, some ate. reyna ng BI.

plus parties left and right! oohh, i'm so ready for the holidays! i really wish this one becomes memorable too, in every possible way.

happy halloween

just to amuse myself... found this from someone else's blog. hehe, plagiarizing i am not.

YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (Name of first pet + street where you live) Rambo Abreu. shet parang action star. i got a very bad image of sylvester stallone running around topless in a jungle with an armalite in hand.

YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (Favorite snack + first name of grandfather) Cheesy Rodolfo. naks, sounds like an indie rock band's name

YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME: (First word you see on your left + Favorite restaurant) Swiss Italianni's. ampota! very european!

EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS: (Favorite Spice + Last Vacation Spot Visited) Chili Boracay. hmm i'm guessing it sounds... Brazilian?

SOCIALITE ALIAS: (Silliest Childhood Nickname + Town Where You First Partied) Mini-Monet Libis. rrright, very A-list.

"FLY GIRL" ALIAS (a la J. Lo): (First Initial + First Two or Three Letters of your Last Name) M. Siq. am sick talaga.

ICON ALIAS: (Something Sweet Within Sight + Any Liquid in Kitchen) Piyaya Sabaw. wahaha no comment ulit.

DETECTIVE ALIAS: (Favorite Baby Animal + Where You Went to High School) Koala St. Scho. vurrry english.

BARFLY ALIAS: (Last Snack Food You Ate + Your Favorite Alcoholic Drink) Twister Fries Margarita. astig.

SOAP OPERA ALIAS: (Middle Name + First Word you see on your Right) Vera Benq. exotic.

ROCK STAR ALIAS: (Favorite Candy/Dessert + Last Name Of Favorite Musician) Smores Elliott. sounds more like a 1920's star.

the mica dialogues

an actual conversation that transpired while having merienda the other day. just one of our normal and usual conversations at home.

ME: pag seryosong gusto ko na magsurfing, mags-swimming lessons na 'ko.
MAMA: ba't ka magsusurfing bago ka matuto magswimming? magswimming lessons ka muna bago ka magsurfing.
ME: ano ba sinabi ko??! pag seryosong gusto ko na magsurfing, tsaka ako mags-swimming lessons!!!
BOK: magswimming lessons ka muna bago ka magsurfing.
ME: ano ba sinabi ko??! pag seryosong gusto ko na magsurfing, tsaka ako mags-swimming lessons!!!
MAMA: magswimming lessons ka muna bago ka magsurfing.
ME: ano ba sinabi ko??! pag seryosong gusto ko na magsurfing, tsaka ako mags-swimming lessons!!!
BOK: ate mich, ikaw naman.
MICHEL: magswimming lessons ka muna bago ka magsurfing.
ME: ano ba sinabi ko??! pag seryosong gusto ko na magsurfing, tsaka ako mags-swimming lessons!!!
(pause)
MAMA: pag marinig tayo ng mga kapitbahay, baka isipin na talaga nila baliw ang pamilyang 'to.

home is where the heart is. truly.

current state

uh. how about, not good? i've been sniffing and wiping snot on my shirt for lack of TP in sight (or laziness to get my fat ass off the couch and find any) and sneezing uncontrollably the whole day, i must've died a dozen times the last hour *the heart does stop for an nth of a second when you sneeze*

the whole nation is celebrating a looong weekend (4 whole days! don't you just love this holiday-whoring country?) thanks to halloween. hal-LOW-een indeed. for a long weekend, i'm feeling anything but vacation-ish. at this time, i am supposedly to be found on some place with sand and sea, drinking myself blindly a whole pitcher of mindoro sling with june and/or my siblings, as we have so planned for a year after we did the same thing last season of trick or treat at some beach off the coast of galera. but instead of finding ourselves beachside, rain just had to spoil our entire plans and let us stay in the same ol' city to sulk the weekend away. so here i am, not really knowing how else to spend about 3 more days of nothingness with no plan b in hand.

but still so much better at home than erm, somewhere else that spells work, i just don't like the feeling that this once-a-year bonus of 4-Godgiven-nonwork-days aren't being spent to better use. i already spent one whole saturday uncomfortably sneezing out snot after snot onto my dugyut shirt and laid right smack infront of the telly for hours on end, instead of just prancing my way to that new 168 mall at divisoria and battling the crowd to productively start my christmas shopping. or not. even after getting my pay, it is still nowhere near the possibility of opening me a new savings account. fercryinoutloud. why can't i just eat dust instead of food which i have to spend money on each and every single day? imagine the many clothes i could've already contributed to my spacious, clothes-hungry closet, or proper shoes i can actually wear to proper events instead of whining endlessly that i only have flipflops as a collection. *note to self: you do not live nor work on a beach, so stop buying wardrobe like you're on one! i did a lot of thinking one time, and i realized i could've already saved about a hundred grand after a year and a half's worth of work. yes, that was already a lot of thinking to me. imagine when i start thinking of... where i honestly see myself 10 years from now. i could possibly die of aneurism.

thank god for the internet. leave it to dsl to save my sanity from utter and devastating boredom. i'm mp3-whoring and can't seem to get enough of my latest guilty pleasure: house music. i never thought i'd see the day when i'll find myself listening to that. but now, bit torrents of hed kandi are heaven-sent. it could be purely psychological, but the music feels like being back on the beach, or just some place relaxing. so that still leaves me with the beach.

rant coming up in 5........................... (it's supposed to countdown to 1. took me 4 whole seconds to type the rest of the dots) it didn't rain the whole day today so gardemmit i could be totally chillaxing on the sand this moment with a cold bottle of beer in hand. it's a saturday and surprise surprise, i'm at home. again. i mean, where are all my friends? geez i have a feeling it's going to be like this from now on. everyone's so "busy" with work that it's almost impossible to have coffee with at least 5 people present. youth is only lived once and it sucks that work is already getting in the way of people as young as i am and we rarely find time for anything else. or at least that's always the excuse i get. but hey, it was really fun while it lasted. i got pictures to prove just how much fun it all was, pre-work days. rewind, rewind, rewind!!!

oh how camera-shy we all were. hoy, magparamdam nga kayo! ang bilis magkalimutan ah. it's kind of hard that i suddenly realize how alone i am. i'm having a scary thought, that i might be in deep shit one day (another one of those) and not know which person to call (apart from my own mother) who will be genuinely concerned about saving my ass without talking crap about it. or about me.

.... and i have no idea where the latter litany of rants came from. but i think i gotta sleep this off, that's already a lot of thinking for one night.

stutter stutter

reading my previous post, i'm realizing that i might be developing a blogger's block... for lack of sensible things to write about. i can ramble on and on about the beach ceaselessly, and end up being the only one interested in it. ah well, this isn't my blog for nothing, right?

tonight was a rather funny night for me. not really funny in a hilarious way, more of in a i-never-thought-i'd-find-myself-in-this-situation-before funny. i was tasked to accompany one of the editors to a TV guesting to promote the launch of our new magazine, and with all due respect this isn't just any ordinary editor. she reminded me of miranda priestly, the uber-powerful editor-in-chief in that chick lit the devil wears prada, but minus the devil part. she is probably one of the people i've always looked up to in this industry even before i found myself working in the same company as she does, and if given a chance to be like anyone, i'd choose to be like her. i'm not gawking here, she's just one of the most amazingly successful women in my list so it was an honor to "meet" her. mm wasn't feeling well that afternoon so i had to handle the whole guesting by myself. i never knew her personally (this was the first time i was going to even speak with her) so you can imagine my nervousness when i found out it will be just the two of us riding from the office to the guesting. what to say??? what to say??? ro assured me she was definitely a nice person, but i don't really know how people take me seriously in this business, or if they even take me seriously at all considering that i look like i've barely finished high school, much more be someone to deal business with. oh gawd, i must've swallowed my tongue at one point. i couldn't even make myself approach her desk when i arrived at the office to tell her that the car is waiting and we ought to be on our way. i usually take pride in the fact that i exude myself in a confident manner no matter how nervous or uncomfortable situations are (i'm a cancerian: toughie on the outside, softie on the inside) but when i have to face people that i really look up to, that usually strong facade has a way of failing me. and it almost did, i was bracing myself for a stuck-up snob who would scoff at me, instead i got the complete opposite. she was just completely down-to-earth that before i knew it, we were laughing our heads off as she attempted to rehearse her answers while i asked her stuff about the magazine. never did i imagine myself to be in that situation ever, not even in my wildest dreams. i am intimidated by people like her major, but i guess perspective really plays a big part in judging others. and my perspective of her changed completely as the night went on. she does deserve to be looked up to, on a professional level and even on a personal level. i wish that when i grow older, i get to be as successful and accomplished, but still grounded, as she is.

powwwtaaaa i miss bora!!!

wala lang, i miss bora. eh parang inulit ko lang yung title. actually, i miss the beach. labo, andu'n lang ako nung isang linggo... di na talaga nagsawa. as if i can get any darker. but who cares, i just miss the tranquility and the peace. galeng, siguro it has something to do with the waves, it tends to wash away all the negative energy. ok, that just sounded like i'm on something, but you know what i mean. it's the atmosphere, the laid-back life, being vis-a-vis with nature at her best form. actually, i just saw new bora pictures from m's site, hence, the overwhelming bora senti mode.

likod na naman. sana mukha na lang akong likod. at pwet. :P

station one from willy's rock.

bliss. kelan ulit ako uuwi diyan??

view from the top. boracay island from the sky

sorry, beach mode. i don’t want to specify bora because i know there are other beaches more beautiful than her that i haven’t been to. and it’s quite a list, i have yet to beach-devirginize the following:

- panglao, bohol
- pagudpud
- siargao (!!)
- palawan (!!!!!!!!!!!!)
- cebu
- la union
- laluz
- siquijor (honestly, i DO want to go there. been hearing great stuff about this place. i’m not surprised, name pa lang eh….)

and should i finally hit it bigtime and marry a multi-millionnaire *ahem, become a zobel de ayala mistress perhaps*

- Hawaii
- Morocco
- Phuket, Thailand
- Beaches in Greece
- Cancun
- Australia
- Brazil

ay shet. walang katapusan. iniisip ko pa lang, di na ‘ko magkanda-ugaga.

sana may sense ang entry na 'to. tama bang magdaydream ng beach sa office??? sana umuwi na lang ako at matulog.

starting the week on the wrong foot

err, is that how the idiom goes?

anyways, that's basically how i think my monday is going. for some reason, i feel like i'm dragging balls of chain at my feet, and i have this big hollow thing inside me again. nope, not that i don't want to work, i guess things have been piling up from yesterday, up until today. honestly, my feelings range from wanting to punch someone to wanting to gun down someone. somewhere there.

sunday night, just after i got back from church, had a major screamfest yet again with my mother. i guess it was also half my fault, and i ended up locking myself in my room and not eating dinner at all. talk about a major bratinella attack, but i just got very offended when she started saying (at the top of her lungs) that i don't even contribute money for household expenses. where did that come from?? i told her i'll give her ALL of my pay starting next payday (i shouldn't have said that but i was fuming too much to care what i blurt out) and that money is the only thing that makes her happy (at the top of my lungs as well.) gawd, i kept praying the day wouldn't come when i would find myself in a fight with my parents or my siblings that would involve anything monetary. because i've seen families and relatives fall apart when it comes to money, and i've always dreaded the day when my own family will start to fight about that, too. i mean, it's just money. how can people fall apart over things as silly and meaningless as paper?

then first thing today monday, i read a very, very, VERY disturbing email just after opening my pc. it was about a blow-by-blow hold-up situation that happened on a bus. and the scary thing (i really wouldn't call it scary, more like... fucking coincidence) is, it's the same bus that i take everyday going to work i.e., same route from quiapo to cainta, even same liner. and it was very disturbing that i honestly started wishing i'm one of those zhang-ziyi-fighting martial arts expert who can kick the bejesus out of those beastly bastards who terrorize people for a living. not even kick their asses, i started to wish i could kill people like them. i don't think i'd hesitate to pull the trigger to their heads, or in their mouths and blast their brains out when i get the chance to (oh, satisfaction). that may sound seriously psychotic, but really... anything to lessen their kind. i am so fucking sick and tired of hearing stories like that. i know it's a stroke of luck that it hasn't happened to me yet (not that I'm wishing it would, thank God.) but then the reality that it COULD happen either haunts me or pisses me off. i seriously think i'd be one of those victims who will die in situations like that, because i would probably want to put up a good fight until i get mercilessly shot in the head. not that i would die for my not-even-fully-paid iPod or run-down cellphone, or miserably empty wallet... but i think chances are, i'll be fighting back for disturbing my peace. putang ina nila, ang kakapal ng mukha. i bet hell is preparing a big feast of roasted flesh and bones upon their arrival.

i want to post the mail here, so you'll get to understand where my rage is coming from. but i think if i get to read that email one more time, i'd fire up and spontaneously combust.

and this just came in. becky my high school friend's lolo just passed away. this is too devastating. just two weeks ago, a baby that could have been was lost. how extremely ironic is this? i know my friends are all strong enough to handle this. i'm sure whatever they go through, it's because He knows they can surpass it. it's just really sad.

gawd, i need a major pick-me-upper, like now. zanjooooooo save meeee!!! ok not likely to happen, but maybe my weekend will (*cough* will *cough*): spent my saturday hanging out with stoners at greenbelt, watched the corpse bride too. fun day. i shouldn't be spending much money anymore, but the day was worth it. :) oh yeah, i didn't mention yet that i cut my hair major after i got back from bora. here are some pics of my new 'do!

fran, moi the aeta, and myra at fuzion

marina, isdatchu? (far left) ocean city girl as the others.

half of stones4: fran, moi, myra, becky, fel and grace

i hope tomorrow is a better day with better news.

i'm a what?

According to the personality defect test i took, i am a

Hippie
You are 0% Rational, 85% Extroverted, 28% Brutal, and 42% Arrogant.

You are the Hippie! Characterized by a strong sense of extroversion, irrationality, gentleness, and humility, you no doubt frolic through fields preaching peace and love to all! You are probably either very spiritual or needlessly paranoid about "the man", like most hippies, as a result of your focus on intuition and feelings over cold, brutal logic. You are also very, very social. And like any hippie who would have no qualms about hitchiking across the country just to meet some interesting people, you also love to interact with others, even complete strangers. Because we know most any hippie is peace-loving and humble, it stands to reason that you, as well, are terribly gentle and humble, almost to the point of revulsion. Your carefree attitude of peace and harmony is probably very, very sickening to realists or cynics or anyone who isn't a hippie, to tell the truth. In short, your personality is defective because you are overly emotional, extroverted, gentle, and humble--thus making you an annoying hippie. And you listen to psychadelic rock and smoke a whole lot of pot. Okay, maybe not, but I wouldn't be surprised if you did.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.

2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.

3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.

4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.

Compatibility:

Your exact opposite is the Sociopath.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hand-Raiser, the Televangelist, and the Robot.

*

*

don't let september end

because that would mean i'll be back here in the city, unpacking my stuff, typing away to update my blog and uploading pictures taken during the best week i've ever had as far as i can remember. i mean, what's better than lounging on the beach for five straight days? and not just any beach, but one of the finest in the country. boracay.

bora bora bora. i am a bora-virgin, no more.

now i know why everyone's so in love with it. it is heaven. i know i completely fall in love with all the beaches i've been to, but bora is. she is the mother of them all. i love everything about it: the sand, the water, the ambience, the locals, the tourists, the freedom, the isolation... it probably even has its own sun. speaking of, we were lucky enough to get a whole week of that, considering there were sporadic showers of rain in the city. i mercilessly baked myself every single day, and walked around like bora was mine. seriously, we had the whole beach all to ourselves! i like it better that way, because i got to see bora's real beauty... minus the throngs and hordes of people that come there during peak season.

i'll let the pictures do the talking, if i keep writing i just wouldn't make sense. words aren't enough to justify all the gushing i want to let out. so i'll just let the beauty of the pics speak.

eager beaver... first time eh :)

beach essentials

(1) beach bag that should contain the ff: iPod (a MUST on the beach), wallet, sunscreen, lip gloss, sunglasses, and a pack of cigs. (2) sarong; (3) a good pair of flipflops

official beach footwear: HAVAIANAS!

photo op! boracay is so incredibly breathtaking...

frustrated hed kandi pose. thanks m! great shot!

beautiful bora

bora was OURS!

bora sunset

mouth-watering dining experiences. yum yum yum :P~

fruitshakes at jonah's

lunch at gasthof. love the baby back ribs!

dinner at aria. i love it! my new favorite italian restaurant (:

still at aria. those appetizers are to die for!

@ bamboo lounge. perfect place to chillout. the ambience is just right for that nice, quiet night. sangria rocks!

look who we ran into! of all places in the country, had to run into jay-r here (:

party people

united colors of benetton. the cutest in the pack is the one taking this pic *wink*

we got free shooters at summer place! did you say "free"??? uh-oh...

whapakked! for the nth time. noo-nee-noo-nee-noo

my favorite shots. finally, my photography frustrations come to life.

*what is a ferris wheel doing in boracay??*

i still can't begin to describe how good it felt to be in the embrace of the ocean for almost a week. it's just what i needed, an escape from the city and from the busy, no-social life i think i lead. i literally did not think of work, or problems related to that, or anything that would remind me of the city chaos. this may sound far-fetched, but i really felt like i lived there already. i guess that's really the life i've always dreamed of: the simple and laid-back, hang-loose type. i've just discovered how much of a beach person i am during my awakening years in college, and i've come to really really like that side of me. i will definitely be back, hopefully with close friends or family next time. bora has given me a million more reasons to return. *and crossing fingers, stay there for good. hakhak. dream on.*

click this for more bora picachurs. with bora over, i'll just start looking forward to christmas to keep me insanely giddy again.