from sleazebag to workaholic.. zzzz...

thank gawd it's friday! hehe, never thought i'd be saying that as a working gal... i've been going to work for only 3 days, but already, it feels like weeks! and i think it's going to get tougher in the next weeks to come. hmm... nothing to worry about! well not yet anyway....

but it's still a privilege to work, didn't realize how hard it is to really look for a job until i started doing it. and i think this job's a good start for whatever it is i got planned for myself. *sigh* and i have to say it's a smart move that i took it already, rather than wait for something i want to happen... it's really not healthy to keep on waiting, better accept the lemons being thrown at me. then make a lemonade, ain't that what they say?

yey my life is back on track!

finally! as of tomorrow, will be starting out in new job like proper, professional careerwoman. lol. bridget jones is starting to rub in my way of thinking. anyhoo, yup it's true, i just got a call from this company... well, business unit, as they more preferred to be called, as a media coordinator! ain't that fancy? but actually, the job itself seems to be one hell of a strain. i have yet to brace myself for this. the business is only a year old, and there's actually just 5 employees (me as the 5th and most recent member), 3 of which are my bosses. male bosses... 2 of which are GAY! 1 of which is SUPER hot! his name's JP, my other gay boss is kesler (so chikadora ever like me), and the straight and married boss is noni. ok, i've just dissected the entire staff right there. my other officemate is bash, maxie's beux. he's actually the one who helped me get this job. i just love my friends. tee *

hmm, i think the good thing about this is my mom's relentless nagging about a job will be put to an end. at last. and, i get to do something, which hopefully will give me a chance to keep fit, considering that i've been sitting my ass at home for a maximum of 2 months. i swear, my face looks completely swollen, my cousin said so himself. am getting really fat. but it seems like all the fat just gets stored in some part of my face or something. argh. not very attractive sight.

gawd i just wish this job won't be too hard. err.. well i know it will be hard, i just hope i can cope with it. argh, i wonder how the pressure's gonna be working for an all-male office staff. oh man.

not that i'm scared or anything. for crying out loud! i don't think history will ever dare repeat itself. one's married, the other 2 are gay. then there's super hot gay boss jp... it's probably gonna be me hitting on gay boss than other way around.

*sigh* i would still go for mccann though. it's taking ages for them to call. right, what makes me think they're gonna call again? i obviously still have my head in my dreamcloud somewhere in the orion belt. but anyways, reality check, what's more important is the now, what's at present. i gotta do what i gotta do. no more dilly-dallying for me, it's really time to get to work. and this job i just took is first off the grill. i'm sure this is gonna be great.

wanna share something i just read in bridget jones: the edge of reason...

"hate this about dating. one minute you're closer to someone than anyone in the whole world, next minute they only need to say the words 'time apart', 'serious talk' or 'maybe you...' and you're never going to see them again and will have to spend the next six months having imaginary conversations in which they beg to come back, and bursting into tears at the sight of their toothbrush."

-- bridget jones

lol. how so true. just love bridget jones.

when you think too much...

there could be a serious chance that your head would just spontaneously combust! no kidding... well it's still one hell of a scary thought if that was true.

it's been a while since i last wrote, and well, i'm sorta out there already, finding THE job for me. just last monday, i was with myra and we were at this job fair in glorietta. we ended up standing in line for a total of 5 minutes, and decided to spend the rest of the day windowshopping. productive, huh? can't blame us, it was nearly all call centers, and we are so not up for that. we just passed resumes at all ad agencies we know in makati... well along ayala av, anyways. at lunch that day, we met becky first, and her so-called "puppies", the boys she goes to work with. can't believe she's totally drooling over this guy, haha it's just so funny seeing her act normal around him. oh, and i just have to mention she has a boyfriend already, and they're on their 2nd year today. so see, now you know why we're friends. hehe.

all in all, i seriously feel very suffocated. there's nothing i hear from my mom but job this, or job that. they say i should go for what i want, but i think what they're really trying to say is go for what THEY want. i want advertising, she wants banks, and she makes it sound like i'll end up lost and defeated for the rest of my life if i don't end up working in a bank. i really think she's copying her sister's life for me, just because my aunt is super successful in a bank. and it even comes to a boiling point when she's grilling me how i'll end up with nothing but at a "call center" because i'm so indecisive. in the first place, what's there to decide about? i'm passing resumes, like what they told me. i'm waiting for calls. yeah i got a couple of interviews up my sleeve, and one of them was even from MCCANN! mccann-erickson, my dream company since i found out i wanted to be in the field of advertising back in high school. but she still thinks i should go for a job that has the pay already. AARRGH! i swear, she is sooo about the money, i haven't met anyone in my life who is so money-obsessed as my mother. well there was my late grandmother... could it be that it runs in the blood? but i don't think like that. hmmm, must have skipped my genes. and to think ma doesn't even like spending money, just keeps it in banks.... i mean c'mon! you earn money to have something to spend, where's it all gonna go when you're gone? i'm sorry, we obviously have different views about things, sometimes i wonder how i could be related to her. the thing is, whatever happened to dreams? whatever happened to doing what you really love? doing what's in your heart? and whatever happened to SUPPORTING your daughter achieve those dreams and goals??? mother obviously doesn't know, she hasn't been there at all.

life is so cruel. now i'm starting to understand.

last night, i had a text from zig. it was a text that literally made me freeze. i felt like this big hurricane just swooped me up and dropped me in confusion city, it made me smile and panic at the same time. ---


i guess its just the
evening, r the rain n my
windshield... r mayb
sumthng else that
makes me wonder if
you're doing alright
2nyt.

sender:
zig
+63917xxxxxx0

sent:
12:03:07am
08.13.2004


i haven't received a text before that was THAT intense. for some reason it really touched me, and i even cried. i asked my friend andrew about it, and he really wants me to go "get" this guy. he's saying zig could be worth it all. i'm still having trouble believing that. and i don't know. still, i don't know. i am one big slob of confusion when it comes to things like this. i think i was crying because i know i'm unconsciously pushing him away, that he's not worth being treated like this. gawd, he's such a great guy, i'm sure he deserves someone better, someone who is more in focus about her life. not me, my knack of getting into trouble has never failed me yet. again, my fear is getting the better of me.

it's over!

finally, my much-awaited day has been over and done with. the radio idol thingy... but sadly, i didn't get to advance... *sigh* one of those things that i think has a big, life-changing reason behind it which i am not in the mood to contemplate on right now.

i'm faced with a more serious problem, and i really think this is getting more and more serious, it's really starting to scare me. my sleeping disorder. man, i'm really sick! last night, i couldn't sleep at all, i was sorrily looking out the window until daylight finally broke out. my mom was jumping up and down to see me up, she thought it was a miracle i've woken up so early. err, sorry to burst her bubble but it was no miracle, i actually didn't catch any sleep. after eating breakfast, i tried to go to sleep, coz i had the radio idol to do in a few hours. and finally, i did, at around 8am, then woke up at past 1pm. so bad. my mom wanted to take me to the hospital to get professional help, but i just wanted to catch some shuteye. maybe some other time. but i really think it's a serious disorder already, i've only had barely 5 hours of sleep, and i'm still so wide awake. gawd, it's already past 3am.

anyways, my day went well nevertheless. the radio idol was a blast. i had so much fun doing it, and met new friends in the process, the people i was up against. bailey, jp, and cheryl. we just sorta bonded while waiting *we spent more time waiting than doing the actual thing*. bailey got the part, but it was cool. they were all nice, i wish it wasn't a competition, i can definitely do that every single day. it felt so right just being there. my friends helped a lot too! it was enough to know that i made them proud, even for just a while. maui was there the whole time. oohhh and rico robles is waaaayy cute!!! i swear, he's like those babyfaced type of guys, very clean cut, and was always smiling, though if u only get to hear him, you'd think he was some tough-looking thug. my type of guy. hehe :) i just noticed. *sigh* and now, the real world begins for me, i have no reason to delay myself anymore.

talked to june and libby tonight. it was libby's birthday yesterday, and also the first time in weeks that i got to talk to her. june is really into this guy agi, who she's always wanted to befriend. we told her to text him, but she didn't want to look like some "fan" *the guy plays for the UP basketball team* so she told me to text him. fine. i did, and shit, the guy turned out to be a complete flirt. even called me up as if i was someone he actually knew. anyways, i told june to just text the guy, he seemed like the type who was willing to do that. so she did, and she was so way disappointed to find out that the guy is a complete scumbag. too bad. made june feel better, told her we'd go find some other better fish in the big, wide, ocean. it was just disappointing to have that "illusion" broken for her. at least now she knows what he's really like.

gawd. what happens now, mics?

home alone, and loving it

once again, i am left alone in this abode. everything is just so quiet, and so dark. hehe, i've drawn all the curtains in and closed the doors, i think i've always been really photo-sensitive (as in sensitive to light) people always mistake that as being sensitive to having my picture taken. whatever.

it's my bro's birthday tomorrow, and i have no idea what's about to take place. i don't even know if i should be greeting him, considering that the fella doesn't really wanna talk to me. i don't know how to make it up to him, even just for his day, because my mom will obviously want to see his son on his birthday. i'm actually getting a visual already, that if we do see him and celebrate, he'll just be acting like a complete ass and ignore us completely. nonetheless, i was thinking of buying him a nice shirt for tomorrow, if only i get the strength to overcome my laziness that seems to grow more every single, idle day.

still, thoughts of his uber evil girlfriend who is trying to tear my family apart gives me the urge to plot crime scene against her. haha joke.

erase evil thoughts. don't want to end up in jail, gluing pieces of wood together to create picture frames sold at 40php for the rest of life.

wanna hear a cheesy serendipity story? ;D

lately, i've started to think about this guy i met at baguio about 8 months or so ago (in november 2003), during the ad congress. it's a LONG story, but the thing is, we've met at our last night in baguio. it wasn't a big deal at that time, he just asked me to dance with him and so i did. there really wasn't anything there for me, i was just dancing and talking to him, harmless flirting, if i could describe it as such. i don't really remember what he looked like, i can only remember my feeling that he was a nice guy and that we were having a good time. we never exchanged numbers or anything like that... the only info i got from him was his name and his school, and same info from me. i never thought about him after that night, i was thinking it was just like those "one-time meet-up thing" with people that you never think of again for the rest of your life. so you can imagine my surprise when i found out he has "managed" to find me through a common friend we had. small world, huh? and so he got a hold of my number and we started texting. the thing is, i was into someone else at that time, so i didn't really give him much notice. he always said he's been looking for me after we met, and how he was doing that, is beyond me. he said he's always wanted to see me again, and that i "saved" him the night we met. whatever that means, he wouldn't tell me, said he's saving it for when we can hangout again. of course i made up lots of excuses not to meet him up, either because of work (this was in summer so yeah, i was still working), or whatnot. we've lost touch after that, and after a couple of months, just recently, i started to think about him again. hehe, isn't that weird. now, we started texting again, and it feels kinda nice to hear from him. hmm, i hope i'm not getting myself into anything fishy. but yeah, now i feel giddy when he texts. it's just so weird, i wish i could stop it. do i like him now?? one year has almost passed, and that's when i decide to like him. geez. i just wished i went out with him while things were ok and going well for me. now, i still don't feel like meeting up with him because things are sorta messed up... my worries about a job, the competition, etc. i mean, he's a nice guy! i really think i could like him, so i want to meet him at a time when i'd be at my best, stress-free and no worries about anything. but still, it's nice to know that he still remains. maui says that he wouldn't have thought of me and looked for me from baguio to manila if it was nothing for him. maybe she's right. maybe this guy's my very own story of serendipity! omigawd that was way cheesy! haha, zig would've hated that. ;)

so my brother hates me too. big deal. not to sound sarcastic, but it actually is. i just realized that i feel bad about it. i have to explain something here, and i admit that it was my bad to begin with. sometime last week, my brother went out at night after he got home from school. my mother was, of course, deeply frustrated again, knowing that he went to his girlfriend's place, when he insisted that they already broke up. i was so not in the mood anymore to hear any of it from him. so when he came home about quarter to 11, i was the only one up, and didn't let him in the house. i know, i've got "numero uno biatch" written all over my face. so that's where it all started. the next day, my mom totally thought he didn't go home last night, and he didn't go to school, either. when the fact is, he did go home, i was just such a prick not to let him in, and i didn't tell my mom about it. at that time i really didn't regret doing that, i was so mad at him for being such a lying ass all the time. it got so bad, until my grandpa and uncle had to go looking for him at his gf's place. when he got home that night, my mom was just furious, and there they all were, with my grandpa and uncle, telling him off. and here's the winner, when bok told them that he did go home, i just didn't open the door for him. WHAM! i swear, i could've hidden myself under the couch and never came out. so of coure, shift of momentum, i was suddenly the bad guy now. i had to defend what i did, i told them i was so sick and tired of him playing all of us like that, saying one thing then doing another. but now, it kinda sucks, coz i realized that something could've happened to him that night he was gone. and it was gonna be all my fault. it's a bit pride-biting to think that i feel guilty about it, and i wished i just let him in then let him have a piece of my mind, since i never seriously talked to him about this whole ordeal. but the damage has been done, my brother isn't talking to me, too. wow. i tried apologizing tonight, but it was like he never even saw me. i just have this fear that what if, years from now and we're still not talking to each other? just because one night, i didn't open the door to let him in. scary, huh?