from boardgames and boybands to blushing brides-to-be

I've been asleep for a while now
You tuck me in just like a child now
'Cause everytime you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

- Bubbly, Colby Caillat

It took two friends announcing their engagements to their significant others this year alone for me to realize that OH.EM.GEE. I have got to stop acting like a high school girl still trying to find a date to the prom. Seriously. I feel like I've been eternally stuck in the My Super Sweet 16 stage, and all of a sudden my friends are starting to get hitched! But anyways, I couldn't be happier that two of my sistahs-from-othah-mothahs have found their One's. My highschool sister Mainna found hers all the way in SanFo, with the sweetest proposal accompanied by the most adorable ring in the world! Her fiance had it all planned months before, and I nearly fainted when he showed the ring via webcam because it was just perfect for Mai. I was nearly in tears when he gave me a blow-by-blow account of how the proposal went, it was like straight out of a romantic movie, I can almost picture Jennifer Lopez playing the lead role (I have no idea why she came to mind). Then over the weekened, my cradle-to-grave best friend Maui announced her engagement to her own Mr. Right in the presence of Neil Gaiman lang naman. I won't go into details how, you better stalk her blog to find out the full story (and I tell ya, it's one for the books!) This'll pass on for generations to come - from grandchildren to great-grandchildren, it's gonna be a legend. ;)

It's surreal because these two women have been a part of my life from the time we were still kids climbing aratilis trees countless summers ago, to becoming awkward teens squealing over boybands and dancing to cheesy pop music. Now, they're thisclose to changing last names - and before I know it - changing nappies of babies, too! But I'm really happy for them! I've been wanting so much to use the pic above for a blog entry but couldn't find a suitable subject for it, and now it just hit home. Mainna and Maui, my insanely inlove amigas... as early as now, I'd like to say that I can't wait to pick out a dress and look uber fabulous for both of your weddings. LOL! On a serious note, you're gonna make the perfect wives, and your husbands-to-be are the luckiest men on earth for having you both as their life partners. Here's to the wildest, happiest ride of a lifetime you chikas are about to go on ;)

spicier than ever

Today is day 3 of the 4-day heaven we don't get too often in the working force. I've been successfully sleeping about half the vacation away and uh... drinking water, and eating Boy Bawang. In the next 5 hours, I reckon I'd start growing roots and leaves all over me, and be implanted in my bed for all eternity.

So anyway, what jolted me happily to reality was the big news on Daily 10 tonight about the release of the new Spice Girls video entitled Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)! It's only been a few months since they announced their BIG reunion tour, and already the girls haven't failed on making the headlines (pun not intended) once again. Just this morning, I caught Posh on Ellen, and all of a sudden was quite reminscent about my time as a big, crazed Spice Girls fan back in highschool, when teacher-less classes were spent dancing to my own medley version of Wannabe/Who Do You Think You Are (plus imitating a myriad of other cheesy boyband videos, i.e. Boyzone, BSB) in Freshman year. Even my first dibs at a FREE movie premiere was to the Spice Girls movie, at naging friends pa kami ni Aiza Seguerra dahil dito! I chanced upon her in the elevator, and when she saw me holding the premiere tickets, launched into a fan-squealing spree how she was a big fan of Baby Spice, too. (I don't think she was out yet at the time) I was even one of those interviewed about the movie after, and all I could say was "Uh, Spice Girls rock", which was mercilessly aired on SOP the following Sunday. Good thing they showed other celebs reacting about the movie, and not just those people screaming their heads off. Actually, I never really got to see myself, some people just approached me come Monday saying they saw me on TV (much to my chagrin), so I never knew if I was categorized into one of those 'movie-screamers'. Not that I screamed or anything, but still.

It seems all but five lifetimes ago, and the memory of a disbanded Spice Girls was my last as a fan - I can still remember back in 1998 when my friends and I had a moment during lunch, seriously discussing whether or not we believed the news of Geri Halliwell leaving the band for good. One of us even cried (haha, I won't say na who), it was that tragic.

So you can imagine my huge delight upon knowing that the Spicies are all back together after almost a decade! I think what makes me so happy about the reunion is the fact that the Spice Girls are one of the symbols of my blissful highschool life (together with a dozen other boy/girl bands - it was obviously a late 90s thing). Just like the Backstreet Boys' comeback concert in Manila in early 2006, seeing one of my biggest highschool icons back together is bordering on cheesy nostalgia. Suddenly, I'm a 14 year-old St. Scho girl again!

Anyway, I just want to share the latest pics of the 3/5 of the Spicies all grown-up, sans pigtails and ridiculously high platform shoes (I think Posh is the only one who stayed true to her form until now, what with her signature pout that stood the test of time).

While the new song doesn't rock socks like how Wannabe did, the Spice Girls are the Spice Girls, and just seeing all five of them in one screen is enough to give me feel-good butterflies inside. Makes me wish I can fly to all the cities where they'll be doing their tour, and hold out halogen banners of all their names, with SG lipsticked on both sides of my cheeks. Argh, why aren't they going to Manila?? :(

loving TV

I can't believe I haven't written anything in more than a month. I guess it's safe to say my life recently has been anything but extraordinary, hence, the lack of action and interesting things to write about. And since I'm trying to control myself from spending the entirety of this rare 4-day weekend watching my Japanese boys on YouTube for the moment, I decided to clear my thoughts and update my blog after a month's hiatus. So prepare for a lot of gibberish.

turning japanese

Sometime between the last couple of months, a plague seemed to have struck me and never went away: I have become an obsessed J-pop fan. I've had a similar phase back in high school and college when I used to love anime -- YuYu Hakusho (Ghost Fighter), Fushigi Yuugi, Rurouni Kenshin (Samurai X), Ghost in the Shell, etc. But now I drive my family and officemates crazy by watching my kawaii* Japanese boys over and over on YouTube - even going as far as watching entire series of jap doramas and throwing half my pay on Jap DVDs, squeeing over J-pop boybands. Disgusting, I know. But I'm a dork, so shoot me. Though I still don't understand how I've begun to find guys who look like girls so appealing. U_____U

Anyway, i've been watching some pretty interesting Jap doramas, the most recent one I absolutely adore. It's called Hanazakari no Kimitachi e or HanaKimi about a Jap girl who lives in America, and disguises herself as a boy so she can transfer to an all-boys high school in Japan to be with the high-jump athlete she idolizes.

It's kinda hard to spot the girl, since all of them look like one... ANYWAY, it's a realllllyyyy funny series with a ridiculous plot (a high-school strictly for good-looking boys... whut?) that had me in stitches with every episode. It's a fairly recent one too, it just ended its run last september.

I won't even start talking about the Jap boybands I'm loving at the moment, maybe another time. That will have to take up an entire posting.

Upper East Side's finest

On to more normal things... thanks to my TV-show-obsessed friends, the TV bug bit me as well. For the new shows that debuted this season, I am absolutely loving Gossip Girl! It's like a cross between The OC and Cruel Intentions, but based entirely in New York. I just wish Gossip Girl's main protagonist Serena Van Der Woodsen doesn't turn out like The OC's Marissa Cooper, the damsel-perpetually-in-distress. It's no surprise GG's so good; the show's creator is the same brains behind The OC, so two thumbs up!

Clockwise from L: Dan Humphrey, Chuck Bass, Jen Humphrey, Blair Waldorf, Nate Archibald, and Serena Van Der Woodsen

Dan Humphrey is my It boy to watch out for, maybe because he has the same adorkable air as OC's Seth Cohen. what is it with cute dorks that catch my fancy? hmm...

Heroes also started it's second season, and once again I find myself hurled back into the Heroes craze. I haven't watched it for a while, so it's nice to see the characters again. AND, I'm excited to see the new heroes who will join the cast for this season, especially the Latino twins. It still isn't clear what their powers are, though. Then there's Grey's Anatomy -- I MUST finish the 3rd season pronto to make way for the 4th season now airing in the States. ooohhh *rubs hands with glee* TV shows are love!

argh, this entry's layout is driving me crazy! pretty obvious i haven't blogged in a while, i forgot how to fix codes for this...

love thursday # 4

i missed last week's love thursday, but it's all good because this week's is as good as it gets.

the time now is a little before 7 on a thursday morning. while some will swear it's almost impossible to have me wake up at this ungodly hour, unless it's of absolute importance other than getting ready for usual everyday work, i was abruptly jolted to consciousness after barely two hours of sleep. practically pounced on was more like it, but i couldn't care less. my sister michel was the first to excitedly tell me that SHE PASSED HER MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY LICENSURE BOARD EXAMS!!! at 6AM, i must've unconsciously made a backflip out of bed as all four of us (with mom and bok) stood there hugging and squealing our hearts out. sarah's way of an early-morning congratulatory gesture consisted of kicking her feet in the air while in bed. (she thought i was being kidnapped with all the ruckus) i can't believe my sister made it!! actually, i can... but it's so unbelievable, it felt like being in the movies. oooooooomigosh, i felt like i've been more worried about it than she was hahahaha! can you say scene-stealer...

anyway, here's to sibling love. this was taken on michel's graduation day, notice how bok and i managed to steal the grad cap the first chance we got. i wanted to post a family pic, but since my dad wasn't there on michel's grad, it'd be kinda incomplete without one parent. and as if we can have our mom pose like how my brother naturally does in this pic.

wow, i'm just immensely proud of her. thank you to those who included her in your prayers, God is just amazing. i can't think of anything else i've been praying hard for all week... aside from a writing assignment i've been desperate to finish for weeks. i had to do a "survey" on girls regarding a touchy subject, and take their pics while at it... what seemed sort-of impossible, but which i finally nailed last night! (gotta love them embassy girls, and sarah the pseudo-clubber and official lucky charm for the night) i've been doing a little victory dance of my own, hehe. so it really looks like the rainy days are over for a while, as we celebrate the brilliance of a new day! this family is one heck of a team! congratulations to my sister, soon to be licensed health professional! :)

Love Thursday #3

grabe, i can't believe i almost forgot! i feel like i just finished writing the last love thursday entry, then here comes another thursday. is one week rolled up in 24 hours now or sumpin'?

this week's love thursday pic is one of my favorites. this was taken about two years ago, when my bud fran and i decided to hang out in quiapo on a random saturday. fran and i were at plaza miranda taking pictures of the church's facade, when we saw this group of kids playing in the middle, oblivious to the chaos that envelops the town every single God-given day. they didn't notice us at first, as we shot away and tried to capture the innocence of their no-care air, skipping and hopping and running around. when they finally caught sight of us, they rushed over like mad and had a complete ball posing for the cameras. it was therapy enough just watching them squeal with delight and tumble over each other trying to peep the photos after every shot. makes me envy kids, really. it doesn't take much to make a child happy, and their joy just shines through their faces so effortlessly. if only we can carry out that kind of simple happiness as we age, it wouldn't be so hard getting through life.

Love Thursday #2

Jojo and Monet
24 years married. 30 years together.

my parents, who have been madly in love with each other for the past 30 years. at this time and age where marriage isn't taken seriously anymore, Mama and Papa have proven to the world that yes, forever is possible and yes, you can still be deeply in love with just ONE person for years and years and years. couples who have been together, or have been married for a long time forget how important it is to keep the love alive. Mama and Papa are proof that being sweet and affectionate need not be for young lovers, just look at that pic taken candidly eight months ago. they still make it a point to be all lovey-dovey even in our presence... most especially in our presence. it's disgusting sometimes how they can't keep their hands off each other, but hey, i gotta give them credit as parents for keeping their relationship alive after all this time.

i honestly don't believe in marriage anymore. but seeing how my parents managed to keep theirs intact even with the long-distance thing going on is just one of a kind. as their child, i really appreciate seeing my parents very much together for a really long time, without any sign of remorse on either part. they've had their share of differences, but it's amazing how they work everything out without having to involve lawyers and such. i mean, 30 years?? some couples can't even stand being with each other for 30 minutes! seeing them together with a lot of love in between makes me look at life and love in a whole new light.

First Love Thursday

i didn't want the day to end without starting this thing called Love Thursday. i got the idea from a high school classmate, Chay, which she got from another friend of hers. Love Thursday has been around for a while on the web, and it's a shame i only found out about this recently. in a nutshell, Love Thursday is when you post a random photo depicting love in any form on your blog once a week. it may be a photo of loved ones, or happy moments caught on cam, or even tangible things that brighten up your day (a cup of cocoa during a rainy day, blue skies on the beach, etc.) since i'm really trying to avoid being too negative and emo in my blog entries from now on, i thought this would be a good idea to spread love in my own way! all we need is love, you know what they say. :) it sure beats writing about daily rants and angst (guilty! haha) here's to the birth of a new Love Thursday-er!

Love Thursday #1

ysobel

matteo

miguel

here are the latest Vera babies, whom we all absolutely adore in the Vera compound. Ysobel and Matteo are my cousins, and Miguel is my newborn nephew and godson. it's been a long time since we've had babies in the family, it's a breath of fresh air when we all sit down for Sunday lunch at Lola's house because of these little tikes. my cousins and i have all grown up now and starting to lead our own lives, so to be with babies again is really refreshing. i love hearing Ysobel talk, she reminds me of Boo in Monsters, Inc. i remember how she used to kiss us when she was about a year old, and say "bochok" instead of "mwah". Matteo is turning 1 on Sunday, and he's now starting to learn how to walk. he's learned how to smile for cameras, too. :) Miguel is currently my favoritest being on earth! he's such a happy baby, i haven't seen a newborn smile as much as he does. i love how his chinito eyes shrink even more when he laughs!

i should've only posted one photo, but since this is my "pilot" Love Thursday entry, i thought i'd start by posting three. i feel better already just talking about those babies. :) i hope this Love Thursday becomes a hard habit to break, there are so many happy photos i've already thought of posting. i'll probably run out of Thursdays if i intend to post them all, haha!

out with the old, in with the older

for the first time since i owned a cellular phone in 1999, i finally bought a new unit.

with my own money.

i actually went through 8 years as a mobile phone owner, having had survived 6 phones and none of them i ever paid for. but now that the last two phones i got as hand-me-downs from my mom and sister are practically in comas now, i decided to finally pursue the phone i wanted for a while. i realized i wanted to go old school since i'm not really that techie with phones to begin with. heck i don't even use them that much except to reply to texts, which i still do so reluctantly.

i went around SM tonight asking for a spanking new 3310. imagine the eyebrows raised everytime i went into a store and asked, it's like i spoke in monkey language. some had a hard time hiding the smirk on their faces. others were polite enough to tell me as gently as they could that 3310 had already been phased out, so i asked for the next simplest phone there is. and that's how i ended up with a new old phone worth a whopping P1,700++, one with a yellow background light and monotone settings. of course, the name of which i barely remember.

i realized one thing from this though, maybe deep down i choose to un-complicate my life by going back to basics. with the surge of all this technological advancements and worldly changes every second, it seems like life is becoming more and more of a drag to go through. i'm sure this isn't how hard things were 20 years ago, and not everyone even had landlines then! now it's such a hassle not having DSL internet, i mean try loading youtube with dial-up. yeah, that's what i thought.

i know change is inevitable but what i'm driving at is, this is a good way of loosening up the complicated knots that seem to entangle around life. everyday living is hard already as it is; being surrounded with all these getting-miniscule-by-the-minute gadgets springing up from out of nowhere make it even harder to deal. maybe it'll do a little good by going old-school once in a while. if this is the next best thing i can do to channel the sort-of worry-free life led by the yesteryears, for now that's good enough for me.

the world can use a little cuteness

right now, there's too much shizz going on everywhere - at work, on telly, outside. people can't seem to stop resigning from work; as if there's anything good to be watched on tv, national or otherwise (though jack bauer is an exception); and the weather isn't helping at all (from rain to shine - in a snap). kinda hard shaking off the vibes, but life ain't gonna be as much fun without a few drops of trouble here and there.

so while at it, i want to help the world out by spreading some good ol' cuteness for cuteness' sake. tell me rachel bilson isn't absolutely adorable in these pictures and i'll send you flying to the moon... for good.

she can just be walking around in a summer sundress, sipping an iced beverage like any hollywood it girl in her right mind does, don aviator shades with just-rolled-out-of-bed hair, and still look every inch a sweetheart. she's my girl, and i miss her terribly as summer roberts on the OC. i miss her even more as adam brody's better half *sniff* they were the cutest couple ever! anyway, anything of rachel bilson is enough to spread a whole lotta love around, the world needs that right now. may sound queer and all, but let me clear that i have nothing but sheer platonic girl-love for miss b right here. her very existence is enough to put things in zen *insert moment of calm*

it's another friday, and i'm not the one to complain. although the fact that i'm all alone at work, waiting for my ride home instead of getting drunk somewhere in the metro is ghastly, i'm actually looking forward to a quiet weekend ahead. it's high time i finish watching the latest season of 24!

omigosh, harry potter book tomorrow. ron and hermione better hook up already! damn, harry or voldemort? it all ends...

murdering time

got this from lappy! and so before i go, meme time muna

1. Were you smiling when you woke up this morning?
:: not this morning. But that would be odd, smiling when waking up… wouldn’t it?

2. When was the last time you met someone new?
:: last Saturday while staying at claire’s pad. Met her uber nice neighbor who cooked us yummy sinangag for bfast

3. When did you last eat pizza?
:: my birthday, 070707! Michel brought home a slice from pizza hut hehe hawswit

4. Do you drink beer?
:: yes yes yes

5. Do you wash your own clothes?
:: no, I still don’t know how to

6. Are you any good at poker?
:: no! I’ve been taught once by an ofcmate, but I never got any of it haha i can be slow like that

7. What do you want more than anything?
:: a one-way ticket to the rest of the world

8. Are you tired?
:: maybe I am, maybe I’m not

9. Besides your bed, what is your favorite thing in your room?
:: my journal

10. Pepsi or Coke?
:: neither

11. Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
:: I haven’t tried, but I don’t think I will

12. Do you enjoy piercings and tattoos?
:: more of the latter

13. Taco Bell or McDonald's?
:: mang do

14. Are you restless?
:: depends what mood I’m in. I can be bi-polar sometimes

15. Is your computer desktop or a laptop?
:: desktop

16. How many friendster views do you have?
:: I erased my friendster, but now I got it back it up thanks to my gurp Maxie. As of late, it’s been 11 views since july 7 haha

17. Want to be a prince/princess?
:: sure, so I can marry harry LOL

18. Do you believe dreams come true?
:: they prolly do

19. Last song you heard?
:: big girls don’t cry – sarah’s LSS

20. Do you like Batman?
:: the cartoon version, yeah. used to watch it all the time as a kid

21. Who is in the room with you?
:: no one! everyone’s lovelife-ing at the moment haha

22. what r u wearin on ur foot?
:: my trusty red chucks

23. What was the last thing you ate?
:: taho

24. What were you doing before this?
:: on the phone with krissy poo

25. What is the closest item near you that is blue?
:: my hanky

26. In your opinion what is the weirdest thing listed on goofysicons.com?
:: geez there’s no such site!


27. What instant messaging service do you use?
:: YM

28. what is ur fav website?
:: a lot! My multiply site, Edison chen’s blog, trent.blogspot, postsecret.blogspot, and any site with khao san road in it

29. Whose house were you at last night?
:: mine

30. What do you wear more, jeans or sweatpants?
:: jeans

31. What is the last movie you watched?
:: harry potpot

32. What do you currently hear right now?
:: some cpu

33. When did you last buy a new pair of pants?
:: probably sometime in summer… my then-ofcmate was selling her pants before she left, I bought 2 for a hundred each!

34. Where's your favorite place to be?
:: my room, and anywhere on khao san road

34. Have you ever heard of the band Our Lady Peace?
:: yep

35. Where do you sleep?
:: in my bed

36. Where do you shop the most?
:: tiangge. But if in the mall, I love F&H, ppl are ppl, and freeway

37. Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
:: I dunnow. it’s not even mine, it’s my sister’s

38. Coach Purse or NFL game tickets?
:: what’s coach purse? Any basketball game will do

39. Where was your default pic taken?
:: in a studio, for our “ID pic”

40. Why did you pick your background?
:: it’s pink. Nuff said

41. Are you happy with where you are?
:: ………

42. Do you believe love at first sight exists?
:: unless I bump into Edison, but otherwise, no

43. Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
:: sure, my parents do it all the time

44. Do you believe that you can change someone?
:: no. I can’t even change me, more so someone else

45. What are you going to do after you do this survey?
:: go home!

a july haiku

twenty-four last week
day passed like a summer wind
stood under the rain

seven oh seven

rare. comes once in a lifetime

date to remember

been waiting for years
nothing unusual, i think
pause. my mind is blank

"happy birthday, dear!"
smile. sigh. the world celebrates
my phone keeps singing

blink of the cursor

my umbrella dripping wet

silence all around

i've waited so long
too much weight, it gets heavy
a battle within

a morning of wrongs
trembling with a mic, i smile
hazy like a dream

a string of failures
i hold the phone to my ear
the ramblings go on

to release, relief
"it will all be over soon..."
nothing else is said

what good can be done?
my chucks cry out from running
face an angry mob

stay away, a choice
this space, more than anything
a need to keep sane

a quiet morning
my mind is freed from it all
my beddings hug tight

i knock amidst squeals
door opens to happy smiles
warmth is in the air

birthday a week late
never mind, far better here
nothing beats their love

khao san is where the heart is

everyday is our first time for something new
as compelling as you are to me i am to you
curiosity has me peeking through your kingdom of pretty

- kingdom of pretty, bonnie bailey

i flew back today from bangkok. it was unbelievable. up until now, i still have no words to describe how completely blown away i was by the whole trip. that's completely unexpected, because as much as i looked forward to flying to another country for the first time, i wasn't feeling abnormally excited about thailand. now, it's done a complete turnaround... i am officially in love with bangkok and its people. even if it was just 3 days, it felt like it stretched on for a week or so! there were so many things that happened, so many breathtaking moments... and for some reason, time seemed to have stopped because it feels like mars and i have seen so much and been to many places in so little time. it would be impossible to write down everything here, because i still have each moment etched on my mind, i can probably write a book for this... i'm still overwhelmed by it all - the sights, the sounds, the food, the people. i don't know if it was pure luck that we didn't encounter anything bad, because everything happened to our advantage. i'm too happy and too hung over, it's almost illegal.

we love khao san road!

three words: KHAOSAN IS LOVE. albeit just a small street, it's absolutely full of life. i don't kid when i say this, but i've never felt so much happy energy and seen so many beautiful people in one place. the energy, the mood, the foreigners, the locals... everything is so steady. the mood reminds me of boracay - laid back with an asian feel. kasi naman, karamihan ng foreigners sa manila mga DOM in search for the next bride-to-be, so it was really a breath of fresh air to see people our age from all corners of the world in one street trying to have a good time. it's like being one with the world, literally. there were all these people speaking a myriad of tongues, you'd think the united nations was having a worldwide conference on that street. at ang daming gwapo, and i mean ANG DAMI. at some point, sumuko na 'ko kasi di ko na kinaya sa dami. kung ano ang drought ng straight pogi sa pinas, overflowing naman du'n.

lastly, the thai... probably the nicest bunch of people in the world. nice is an understatement, they were absolutely charming! in fact, the first thing a thai said to me when we arrived was "you're very beautiful!" ow kamon. apparently, chinitas rock over there. haha! the thai seem to not have a bad bone at all. case in point: i was thinking back at all the time we spent going around the city in cabs, and i realize that i didn't hear a single horn honked during traffic. even during the inhumane humidity and the harsh sun at high noon (bangkok is like, 3x the heat than manila), hindi sila mataray at bugnot. hindi talaga. they are that steady.

falling in love with khao san, with bangkok is one thing, falling in love with the thai people is another. right now, there's too much love goin' on. it sounds silly, but i've been in love the last couple of days. bangkok is just unforgettable. walang mali, i have nothing but praises for that city.

here's probably our fave pic. taken by an artsy local (who practically lay on the ground to capture the intricate arch behind us in the frame) at suan lum night bazaar during our first night.

do i plan to go back? definitely. i love what this trip did to me. bangkok was just the place i needed to make me feel alive again ;)

leaving on a jet plane

this is it!

i'm flying out in exactly 10 hours. TEN! at this point, that's my cue to jump up and down with glee, and just about start being all frantic crazy. haha but i still found all the time in the world to sit down in front of the computer and surf the net for a while. for the first time in my history of packing, i've actually finished early. waaay earlier than usual. i think it's better that i'm not biting my head off for cramming much, stuffing my bag with every item within my peripheral. like what i do each time i have a trip somewhere.

i hope i'm not leaving anything out. i've gone through my check list about a dozen times, and i'm pretty sure i've packed enough underwear and clothes to last me 3 days (in fact, more than 3 days. i have a thing for overpacking). better safe than sorry is what they say, and i couldn't agree more. passport, check. digicam, fully-charged and tucked snugly in my bag. money, check check check! well... looks like i'll survive then.

city girl has left the building. ;)

frantic fantastic

parent trap

i started this first saturday of june rather oddly. i was woken up at 9 in the morning (9 on a saturday!!) by my sister because one of my best friend's parents were downstairs in the living room. in my house. looking for their daughter. christ. i felt like shouting "HOLD ON! LET ME TRACK HER DOWN USING A GPS SYSTEM I HAVE PROGRAMMED INTO A SUPER MINI MICROCHIP IMPLANTED IN YOUR DAUGHTER'S CORNEA!" then push a button to reveal my secret laboratory behind the living room walls. they must be the most relentless parents i've ever come across. i could not understand why they're being sooo harshly strict on their daughter, when she's practically 24!! freaky shit. unlike them, i trust their daughter to know what's good for her, and be there for her as she goes after what will make her happy. i'm in no position to tell her what she can or cannot do, all i can do is support her in her journey to bliss. like any friend in her right mind will. my mom was trying to suppress her laughter at times while talking to these guests because their views are just... whacked! they were nothing i've ever imagined a parent would think. i guess i gotta be thankful for the trust my own folks give me. i haven't heard of a mom who'll call everyone listed in their daughter's phonebook (pati landline ha, mind) to check where her college-degree-holding/legally-employed/yuppy-twentysomething daughter is. i mean, give your child a break! no wonder she refuses to come home at all, imagine having to feel like you're 12 all the time.

i'm not trying to attack them in any way, i understand that parents have the right to worry - and drive their kids crazy in the process. but the truth is, kids won't grow up to be "responsibe adults" if the parents won't let them! i guess the way mama and papa brought us up was a bit carefree that at such early ages, my siblings and i already knew how to fend for ourselves when we're not with them. they were probably worried to let us do it at first like any other parent, but they did. and i'm thankful because that taught me to be brave and think on my feet when i find myself stuck in obstacles i have to overcome by myself. see, there should be a line there somewhere. once kids cross that over, then parents should start letting go and learn to watch from a distance because they can't always tell their kids what to do. what will happen to the child when the parents aren't around anymore? we're practically in our mid-20s, i think that's earned us the right to try what it's like out there. it's gonna be hard for someone to cope with life with parents breathing down his neck all the time. i say let them tread on water by themselves, because only then will they be able to think on their own. it's a crazy world out there, only the strongest will survive. it's gonna be hard if you keep hiding under momma and poppa's wings.

just needed to give my $0.02 worth there. i still find it incredulous that there are still parents who treat their children like little tikes. wake up, people! and smell the bitter barako coffee straight from south america.

stroke of luck

i got the chance to talk to my dad via webcam this morning (after the whole parent trap thing), and convinced ourselves to try our luck in lottery. who wouldn't, when there's a pot of a hundred million schmackaroos up for grabs?? already, my old man and i had come up with a business plan should we win that insane amount of money. i watched in the news the other night how about 10 million people lined up to bet their numbers. admit it, money is the ticket out of misery. case in point: the movie pursuit of happyness. if you've watched this flick (spoiler ahead), then you know that love wasn't his happiness (as i've initially thought). pera kaya! sumaya lang yung mga lines niya (at sumaya lang ang pagkatao niya) during the last scene in the movie, when the chargen was showing how he went on to become some bigshot bajillionnaire stockbroker. and i thought his happiness was finding some spiritual, unworldly sense of tranquility albeit financial deprivation. pfft. sa mga may pera who think otherwise and cry woes to the heavens that money doesn't solve anything, let's try stripping you off your fat bank accounts and see how more miserable your lives are gonna get. lol.

as i was saying, it was fun "brainstorming" with my dad about our so-called themepark-resort business dream that we will put up with that drowning amount of pot money. papa envisions it as a place for all ("it's gonna be a first-class resort to the masses! they'll get a taste of the good life for a small fee!") he even came up with a name already, debating between "DISNEYLAND BA 'TO?" and "FUNTASIA BA 'TO?".

me: baka magka-problema sa copyright?
papa: hindi yan! may karugtong naman yung disneyland eh, at patanong yung title.

oh diba? talagang seryoso naming pinag-uusapan. you gotta love that fat funny guy.

what a couple of big dreamers. there's just one problem left, we gotta win this thing first.

R.I.P. summer 2007

i can't help but mourn the last weekend of summer. looking back pre-march, i was lining up plan after plan to make this season a blast, i.e., beachtrips worth of two months. but sometimes, things have a way of backfiring, and none of those plans even made it to fruition. it just bums me out that i wasn't able to see some beach and had some good sun action, when i was dead set on making this summer one of the best. i think i'm the most beach-crazed, sun-crazed, tan-crazed person i know, and it's really ironic i never got to spend anytime doing any of that this past season.

still, i had fun in my own way. although majority of my summer weekends consisted of work, it was fun bonding with the right people... people i want to spend time with. guess it made all that work bearable, and laughable at times. i mean, i did get to go to a ziggy marley concert by the bay free of charge, had fun times stalking my man-candy going to gigs, and wild partying being part of work's bigger events this summer. maybe it's high time i give my beachtrippin' some rest, considering i had a lot of those last year. but i do miss it, i really miss being on the beach. nothing will beat that kind of high.

here's to the summer that had come and gone. may the next ones bring more sun, more beach, more bronzed tans, and more places to explore.

wanderlusting

i'm going to bangkok in a little more than two weeks, and until now, i haven't got anything planned. no place to stay yet, no itinerary, no CLUE at all as to how this trip is going to turn out. i was trying to avoid being overly excited about the whole thing, because i might jinx it again like my supposed boracay trip back in march (how timely for my lungs to have complications) but i guess now, all the excitement is starting to kick in and i'm getting more and more fascinated just researching about the place. my travel buddy and i haven't sat down to plan anything concrete yet, all we've agreed upon so far is staying at khao san for that "backpacker" feel. june has been helping a lot with the planning, because i have no idea about bangkok at all, other than it's in my must-travel list before i'm 25.

although deep down, i'm getting a little jittery being in a completely alien place for the first time. considering that i'm a virgin in international travel, i guess that's normal. i'm just a little worried about the money, knowing what an impulsive person i can be, and knowing what a great shopping haven bangkok is. i know adventure is good every once in a while, but i only pray my bangkok adventure doesn't involve running out of money and missing my flight home, or something drastic like that. geez, paranoid much?

but then there's that other feeling that everything will be a blast. just the thought of being in a place away from my comfort zone is enough to give me happy chills down my spine. and i've already been hearing rave reviews about khao san. i've always wanted to go to bangkok, more than any other asian country. i only pray everything goes swimmingly, like not losing my passport, which is likely to happen to scatterbrained me. then who knows? bali, singapore, KL could just be around the corner ;) how's that for wanderlust?

apples and trees

a bit late but heck, in some parts of the world it's still mother's day.

a tribute to the one and only person who has the license to drive me crazy. even if we hold world war 3 in the household on a regular basis, she's the only one who i truly listen to when i really think about it. and even if our personalities are worlds apart and we always ALWAYS clash on just about anything, i'd still like to thank her for passing on to me this fiery spirit, never-say-die, take-you-on attitude. she's the only one who can pacify my brattiness and nonsense tantrums (guess i got that from her, too). she was one of the few who shared my kilig when i first fell in love, and the first one to comfort me as i went through my first heartache. heck, even my friends are crazy about her. she was the "cool mom" back in college because she'd be the first one to ask if we needed more alcohol during the after-school inuman in our backyard. she loved my friends, from the prim and proper, to the absolutely crazy and reckless (case in point: did not freak out when one of my friends found himself in a precinct after being chased by presidential security guards in our area) gave a lengthy sermon when i got hospitalized because of my smoking, but stayed from day one onwards and held me tight as i felt the first painful throbs in my chest post-surgery. even if she gives me one hell of a headache, i wouldn't have it any other way. she doesn't hold us back and lets us handle our shit so we'd learn from our actions, and even if i hate it sometimes, she always turns out to be right. there's no one else who can read me inside and out like she can.

she's one of the strongest, if not the strongest woman i know. i'm lucky i got that from her, too. i'm truly blessed to have her on my team from the day i was born.

aishiteru yo, oka-chan.

now

i want to...

scream. scream so loud my lungs will almost give and my voice will be hoarse after. my throat will hurt so bad, but i know it will feel good. i don't think i've ever done that before, and i think now is a good time to try that out. there are so many things that need to be let out, i'm trying so hard to put them all in words just to make sense of things... all the gloominess, the depression fits, the unpredictable mood swings, the deafening silence. but now, best i got is summing it all up to screaming.

now. i hate that word. it sounds so sudden, so demanding, so immediate. like "you need to do this NOW." there's no other option. it has to be DONE. obviously, i'm not a very good fan of the present time, since i was born a slacker. but come to think of it, "now" has always been taken for granted. when you're at present time, one thinks only of two things: either of something that needs to be done in the future, or wishing of changing something from the past. always the "future", or the "past". but never "now".

i hate now. i hate having to go through all this and having to deal with it. you know those moments when you wish you'd fall asleep, then wake up to christmas morning and realize you've skipped the rest of the year? or wake up to when you were 5 years old, and do everything all over again? it's exactly that kind of moment i wish will happen. now is very bleak. very blah. but here it is, passing by so slowly as if to torture. i hate now because i have to endure feeling all this heaviness, and the harder part is not knowing how to get past it. i haven't felt exhaustion this much, not just physically but more so mentally and emotionally. i've always been successful at not feeling stressed because i choose not to feel it. but now, i hate it that my defenses are all down, and it feels like i'm always, always trying to please everyone. but never me. never mind me. and now, i'm seriously starting to get tired from it.

this isn't a complaint about my life. right now, i can't say i'm still in love with it, but i hate what it's doing to me. it's like everything that's happening is driving me to bouts of depression. i feel like i'm letting so many people down because with tons of things to be done, i only get to do so much. apart from finding time for myself, i seem to go out of my way to make sure everyone else around me is ok. i feel like i haven't been managing expectations well, and that disappoints me a great deal. it really, really does.

i don't even know when this started happening. i have moments, yes, but to feel like this for this length of time is absolutely new. i was telling S. how i'm getting afraid of the person i'm starting to become, because i can't stop it from happening. it's the type of person who doesn't care if she hurts people with her words, or her actions. someone who's becoming indifferent from other people's feelings. someone who throws a seething fit when she wants to. i'm loathing her with a passion, but she's right here. she's writing all these words down. if this is her way to cope, then it's not going very well. it's getting worse.

it's just sad, because i feel like a stranger to myself. it all sounds crazy, but i can't find the old me anymore. and in the process i'm shooing away people i care about, whether be it at home or anywhere else. it's all becoming too much now. trying to save friends, doing a gazillion things at work at the same time, not saying no to a task that shouldn't even be mine, financially desperate. imagine a juggler trying to juggle a dozen apples at the same time, while balancing a unicycle on a cord. with burning coals to catch her underneath should she fall.

i need to find the middle ground in all of this, in order to become a better person again. i need to search for that girl i once knew... chirpy, bright, fun. god i miss that. i know she's still in here somewhere, but i don't know where to start looking. all i know is right now, i just want to be a million miles away from here.

being a walking joke and today's guilty pleasure

i can't sleep because i downed coffee this afternoon. tsk tsk, very VERY wrong. see, the reason why i try to avoid drinking coffee, as much as i can help it, is because its ridiculous effect of keeping me awake and *supposedly* alert stays until vishnu knows when (vishnu is the name of a hindu god, innit?). it stays for hours and hours on end, and since i'm sensitive to insomnia -- fine, i know a person can't be "sensitive" to insomnia -- since i easily tend to be insomniac, i can't always drink coffee especially when it's a bit later in the day because the side effects stay with me until -- and i kid you not when i say this -- night ends and dawn breaks (i know that's the same thing, but i'm stressing a very important point here). it has happened before and i felt miserable the whole time, trying desperately to fall asleep until the inevitable happened: seeing the first few rays of the sun emerge and watching light slowly fill my room. awful, AWFUL experience i never want to go through ever again, especially if there's work (or in that case, school) to be had the next morning. lovers would've jumped at the chance to spend an entire night doing each other being awake together, but not me. no, siree. i value sleep so much that if given a choice between sleeping or eating, i'd be snoring like a pig before you even take that breath just before you're about to say anything. that fast.

gawd, right now i feel like my fingers have a life of their own typing furiously away, they could jump right onto my neck and strangle me to death if they wanted to. mUST. CAlm. DowN.

this is not entirely how i wanted this day to end, not when i had the most embarassing morning in the history of embarassing mornings. it was probably the fact that i'm going back to work after a 5-day break; my body must've sensed a disturbance in a routine it was starting to get accustomed to for almost a week now (sleeping in late, eating, sleeping, watching tv, eating, sleeping) that it rebelled in its own way, i.e., refusing to function properly, if at all. i rode the first bus i saw at the bus stop this morning because lo and behold, i was able to wake up at the 7th snooze, without walking 5 feet away from my room and into the next room and flopping back on the first bed i saw! i was psyched to be going to work unusually early for a first day back, because i didn't end up snoozing until after 2 hours from when my alarm went off. it's always a joy to elaborate on my sleeping waking problem, but going back to my point... i got on that bus and it was SRO. i didn't want to ruin my morning so i decided to stay and hold on to the nearest railing with all my might, sense of balance withstanding. apparently, that faculty in my system was about to fail me because i had only let go of my support rail for two seconds, and already i was doing tug-of-war... all by myself. i must've pissed the people i pushed back and forth during my impromptu game, but ex-cuuuuse meeee. i'm not very gifted with riding a unicycle, much so balancing in a moving bus. the man standing next to me practically glued me to the next available seat, he probably didn't like being slapped and grabbed by a complete stranger's flailing arms, as she practiced her surfing skills right then and there. i slept the rest of the ride to work despite the heat, and silently prayed i don't fall off my seat for everyone's next amusement just because i'm such a klutz. i didn't, first relief of the day. the bus neared my stop, and so i fought to keep awake and got ready to go. FACT: it takes only three steps down to get off any bus, all of which take only approximately three seconds to accomplish. i have somehow turned that most mundane act of acts into a complete circus, taking all of 10 seconds and turning it into my own recipe for utter humiliation. my body had decided to use a different part for where everyone usually uses their feet, and in this case, i must've found it a good day to use my own butt for a little walking exercise. it's interesting to note the people's reactions as i lay spawled at the bus entrance, in what looked like an attempt to get off via a magical carpet ride. note to self: ME=NOT IN PERSIA.

stupid bus. now my butt hurts like hell.

on to good news... my ipod is finally back to life! i lost my ipod USB for a while, or i thought i did. although i was pretty sure the maid just tucked it somewhere while she was cleaning; i had to search everywhere before my sister found it in some folder. i have no idea how it got there, and i don't care for as long as it provides me with music again. with my trusty ipod in full swing, i discovered another guilty pop pleasure! i just downloaded katharine mcphee's over it single, and i'm loving it full time! it's now on loop, and i don't care if i get sick of it tomorrow, what matters is how i love it today. and hopefully, the good vibes of my other newly added songs i'm currently enjoying right now will rub off on me and produce a better day tomorrow, preferably one that doesn't require any butt action at all. ;)

facing death head-on

holy week is almost ending (what am i talking about... it has ended), but i'd still like to commemorate it in my own way. i felt that i wasn't able to reflect on Him much the past few days, when i really should have spent all that free time doing that. it's not that i completely turned my back on my spiritual obligations, i don't feel the need to be visibly at church just to say i am being a "good" catholic. i felt like doing it in my own way: spending quiet moments by myself, saying a little prayer every now and then, and simply reflecting. so while "reflecting", i immersed myself in a lot of paulo coelho (again), in a collection of his short stories and, coincidentally, reflections in a book called like the flowing river. it seems to be the perfect book to read during this time of solitude, because of all the insights on life, love, spirituality, happiness and sadness... name it. and once again, only like paulo coelho can, i was deeply touched by different aspects of his profundities on just about everything. i would like to share a particular piece of his about death, something that we can all ponder on after having had celebrated the life and death of JC himself:

People do not think very much about death. They spend their lives worrying about absurdities; they put things off, and fail to notice important moments. They don't take risks, because they think it's dangerous. They complain a lot, but are afraid to take action. They want everything to change, but they themselves refuse to change.

If they thought a little more about death, they would never forget to make that much-postponed phone call. They would be a little crazier. They would not be afraid of this incarnation coming to an end, because you cannot fear something that is going to happen anyway.

The Indians say: 'Today is as good a day as any to leave this world.' And a wise man once said: 'Death is always sitting by your side so that, when you need to do something important, it will give you the strength and the courage that you need.'

I hope that you, dear reader, have got this far. It would be foolish to be frightened by death, because all of us, sooner or later, are going to die. And only those who accept this fact are prepared for life.

- Paulo Coelho, Living Your Own Legend, Like the Flowing River


********************************
having read that makes me realize how Jesus himself was the perfect example of a perfect death. He lived His life, albeit short, to the fullest - having had amazing friends, traveling and spreading God's word to as many places and people as possible, and changing the lives of so many before He died. even after His death, He still never fails to bring miracles into people's lives, regardless of flaws and sins. He's just what a person needs to get by. i loff Him, i'm glad He never goes away. <3

the end is the beginning is the end

last week was a beautiful week of endings and beginnings. endings, because i was a proud witness to my sister's college graduation. beginnings, because she's only months away to becoming a full-fledged medical technologist. then hopefully, off she goes to med school. wow. sometimes, i keep forgetting how grown up my siblings already are. in my head, i feel like she's still 8, and bok is only 6. i really have to let go of them already. they're not kids, they're not kids!

so yeah, my sister is finally done with school, clap clap for that. michel is one of the most hardworking students i've ever met (that's something really noticeable, especially in this household. she's the only one who has visibly studied at home, and took school really seriously. surprisingly.), and i'm so happy all her hard work paid off. she's gonna make a really good health professional, and if she does decide to become a doctor, she'll make one helluva doc, too.

make us proud, sis!

she is gonna be so great, i can practically see her name plate hanging outside her posh doctor's office already. ooook, so i'm just a wee bit excited here.

then that same night, i took them both to xaymaca to see sessiOnroad play. and it was so nice that they had such a good time, drinking beer and dancing all night. walang ate-ate! i told them to just enjoy themselves, everything was on me! we've never been out together ever, so it was really loff that we enjoyed ourselves with each other that night. yuck cheesy! hehe, i find all the reason to be mushy when it comes to those two. ;)

and oh yeah, did i mention i fell in love that night? totally did. for like the nth time in the effing history of the world. who would've thought i'd be so kilig over taho? :*)

minamalas

really. what's up with this week that everything seems to eff up?

to start off, i lost my wallet yesterday. it must've slipped out of my bag when i got out of the cab, while yakking away on the phone as i nursed the sudden caffeine-high rush after downing iced caramel macchiato for the first time. and mind you, i've never lost a wallet before. as messy and disorganized as i am, i still hold my stuff intact and in place. if i ever did lose a wallet in the past, i probably didn't make a major deal out of it considering my life before joining the workforce was far from monetarily (?) convenient. to twist the knife a little more, i've only bought that wallet about three months ago. three! it practically still has foams in it that i haven't taken out yet! i'm psycho like that, i'm more devastated that i've lost the wallet than losing the stuff inside it (it barely contained anything valuable, anyway). argh. it's the inner cheapskate in me talking. not to mention the hassle it took to renew my atm... and oh damn my gym card was there too. potek.

then today, i've found another reason to be ashamed of this country (aside from the most annoying president, overrated showbusiness, and bullshit politics). the worst hostage crisis in the history of hostage crises in the UNIVERSE just took place right here. some delusional politician-wannabe thought it would rock if he held captive a bunch of schoolchildren in a bus in manila not far from the cityhall and ask for... stuff. one word: ANNOYING!! i didn't even take time to find out what exactly he wanted because about 5 minutes into hearing his demented speech about how he wants so and so things from the government, i wanted to bomb him down personally. i know my karma meter is dangerously going up a hundred notches more, but seriously, can anything be more staged? there were all these media people, the stupid hostage taker wouldn't STOP talking, bong revilla (wtf??) magically appears in the scene and "negotiates", and all these other running politicians start sashaying into action. what a circus! before you know it, campaign jingles will be playing. heck, i won't be surprised if sharon cuneta shows up with kiko pangilinan, richard gomez comes over with the entire family of bench endorsers, and since my imagination is on a roll, how about tito sotto holding a spontaneous eat bulaga episode on the spot. EB babes dance takatak in front of the bus to entertain the kids, and vic and joey try talking to the attention-whoring hostage taker, and give him a chance to win a million pesos instead if he dances the takatak right. mothereffer, i can practically hear jay leno's opening spiel already. and conan o'brien would outdo himself trying to reenact the whole thing. nakakahiya. plus, all these conveniently happening during election period. i bet it wasn't only CNN who realized that. JOKETIIIIIME!!!

add to that news of friends of friends who died, then another friend who's suddenly faced with a dilemma... tomorrow better be a good day. oh it better be good.

love. angel. music. reggae.

finally. another night to remember. awesome night to remember, if i can stress that enough. haven't had such a steady night in a loooong time, last time i remember such was on the beach way back when.

march24 had me at sofitel philippine plaza (formerly known as westin philippine plaza, definitely one of my favorite hotels) for the MTV reggaefest by the bay event. our former boss liz was kind enough to lend us tickets, so myra, mm and i had us chilling by sofitel's poolside with reggae serenading us all throughout. i loff reggae, it's almost synonymous to the beach in my world. i never thought it would be so relaxing to go to an event without having to work :) check out my best girls hanging out mtv-by-the-bay style!

ziggy marley was amazing! i'm not that much familiar with his songs as compared to his dad's, but he's of bob marley's kin so that makes him like, a demi-god in the music world. and ziggy marley is such a dead ringer of bob marley (no pun intended), it's a little creepy how so alike they are. at one point last night, i seriously wanted ziggy marley's baby so i can say i'm carrying bob marley's grandchild. i mean, how cool can it be to grow up knowing your grandfather was bob marley? beyond words. i love how my goals and dreams can be out-of-this-world sometimes.

ziggy m gives some love

and ziggy m did NOT disappoint. he rocked the house, and i can definitely say, on behalf of everyone there, that a great time was had by all. a night hasn't been that steady, with reggae music to boot... everyone was up on their feet, jumping and dancing to the music. what a natural, natural high to listen to reggae whilst sitting on the grass under the stars with a can of cold beer in hand, a cool summer breeze blowing our way every now and then, and hearing the waves of the waters nearby :) L-O-V-E.

and did i mention the yet another breathtaking sunset we've witnessed that afternoon? i only get perfect sunsets like this in boracay, so hey, this is as close as i can get to the beach for the meantime. one of the highlights of the day...

the only thing that didn't work for all of us was the impossible heat that enveloped the entire area later that night. it was insane. i could've thrown myself at ziggy marley (had i met him) and would've been literally stuck to him like gum. it was that sticky. but hey, it can't get any more real than that. i wanted the summer heat, and here it is. frontrow and center. i can stay in a pool filled with freezing water for hours. what perfect weather to be by the beach... gawd, you have no idea how i seriously desire to be by the ocean already. i have a feeling i'm gonna go and on for the next two months wishing that one, same thing.

musings on a fried day

yey. summer.

it's hoooootttt and i loffehttt!!! no, i wouldn't love it if i was out somewhere right now directly under the heat of the merciless sun, but i love it that the weather is finally clearing up and showing signs that it is, indeed, summer, i.e., sun and clear, blue skies. hello! tama bang umuulan sa summer? this is the only season that i dream of the beach (well, there really isn't a moment that i don't think of the beach...) and it's pretty obvious that God created beaches solely for this time of the year. so the blues better be bluer, and the sun better do what it does best.

funny that i'm talking about the beach when i actually dont't have any plans of going to one anytime soon. can you say booooo? kaya nananawagan ako sa mga kaibigan kong may balak magbeach ngayong summer, pasabit na lang. tamad na ako magplano eh. basta gusto ko lang isuot ang bago kong bikini at magbilad sa araw at umitim at magkatanline. bow

happy happy

last week was a happy happy week. finally! some positive reinforcement in my life! i've been back to work for two weeks now since my "convenient" hiatus, and the work load that flopped on my lap must have increased about five-fold. shet. i knew i'd regret wanting to go back to work haha.

but all's good. managed to put life back to normal mode, squeezing in a movie date with PR girls and my current craze haze's brother once i got back into action *ahem ahem aheeeemmmm... sana yung 300 yung pinanood ko hindi yung katabi ko :P* then there's the HitFM launch at NBC tent, which basically had us at free shots of jagermeister, rhum coke, and overflowing sanmig light. also gone out with some high school friends last weekend and watched pursuit of happyness... and fell asleep in the moviehouse in the process. sorry, i know a lot of people liked that movie, but it wasn't my cup of tea. in the middle of the flick, i got so tired with and pissed at feeling sorry for will smith's character already that i decided to doze off. when i woke up, kawawa pa din ang buhay niya. potek. it only took five minutes out of the entire hour and a half that he felt good about himself. ok fine, i'm probably missing the whole point of the movie... but the thing is, it was really depressing from start to finish. and moral of the story, money can make you happy. yun na.

today, another fried day ends. extremely excited about the upcoming weekend, though. reggae by the bay tomorrow! liz was super nice to give us tickets to the MTV event with ziggy marley happening at sofitel, and i've been excited about the whole thing as early as monday. how's that for a hip, happening social calendar? yeah, someone's obviously got her hands full all week, eh? i can't wait to catch the sunset at sofitel and camwhore, hear reggae music all night and camwhore, chill by the bay and camwhore, and camwhoooooore! besides, sofitel's poolside rocks like ice (whuuut) so it should be cool just hanging out listening to good music. and ziggy marley, no less! he will probably be the closest i can ever get to the bob marley in this lifetime, so grabbing the chance while i can.

then on monday, it's the fourth rocker park event happening at eastwood city! should be fun, considering ingrid will be feeding us like hungry animals in a zoo to celebrate her twenty-freakin'-fourth birthday! rockstars, basketball, AND food?? daym i don't even know where to start...

jumping to thursday is michel's graduation! i'm so proud of my sister! i can't believe she's actually done with school already (unless she decides to pursue medicine, which i sooo hope she will), it only seems like yesterday when she first got into college. time is just insanely on a roll. i can't wait to bring her and bok to xaymaca that night, those two deserve some rockin' action once in a while (well, my brother has been doing a lot of that, but it's just cool to do it as a clan. hehe. we're best friends like that). come one, come all. sessiOnroad is playing *ahem blush ahem* so should be really fun ;) and i'm really bringing my siblings to xaymaca on thursday for some brother-sister bonding! wag nyo isiping kaya lang ako pupunta kasi ano... :*)

shet. just this afternoon, i was thinking of a million things to write about. then now, i'm like, blank. ooh, current guilty pleasure: hey hey you you i don't like your girlfriend no way no way i think you need a new one!!!! LOL! at this point, i can think of five guys i can scream that song at.

ang saya. summer na summer na! zigggyyyyyyy!!!

getting on the bandwagon

the ultimate irony

murphy's law: the worst thing that can happen, will happen. i've always believed in that law for some reason. now don't be calling me no cynic now, but i keep thinking things can't always go perfectly well... there has to be a catch in everything that happens. i know i was practically floating on cloud 9 upon the start of this year, and that got me seriously thinking (and seriously worrying, too). something ain't quite right. it can't be too happy. it's very hard to explain at this point, i guess it's like that other law - every action has an equal and opposite reaction. maybe it's to create some sort of balance. yin and yang, for example. north pole and south pole. err, you get my drift.

i think it's about time i write about this. i've put it on hold far too long, now i'm forcefully spitting out words just to get this out of my system for good. because it's things like this that make a good write, and i can't pass that up ;)

i had my first taste of the hospital two weeks back. aside from my birth, this was the first time in my effing history that i was confined in one. and as insane as it sounds, i actually liked it. i've heard people say they don't like hospitals, and i've always wondered why. ever since i was a kid, i liked hospitals. they always reminded me of birth deliveries, nurseries, new-born infants. in fact, one of my first few memories as a child was in a hospital - when i saw my brother for the first time while he was in an incubator in the nursery. err, not really a happy thought, but hey, he lived. and wreaked domestic havoc while he did. baaaack to what i was saying, hospitals smell so clean, like everything is new and sterilized. although i've had relatives die in hospitals, it never changed my perception. i still liked that kind of environment up until i found myself strapped in one, IV syringes up my arm and all. it could be that the hospital i stayed at was just amazing, i thought medical city was awesome from the time i first stepped on it. be sure to check out medical city whenever any of y'all decide to be, erm, hospitalized. not that i was hoping any of you would be hospitalized, but it's definitely an option you could take. medical city, i mean.

enough of the blabber. my doctors call it spontaneous pneumothorax, and according to wikipedia, a pneumothorax is "a potential medical emergency caused by the accumulation of air or gas in the pleural cavity." what a pleural cavity is, your guess is as good as mine. the only other time i've heard of pneumothorax was in the movie just like heaven with reese witherspoon and mark ruffalo (it's that scene in the restaurant when mark ruffalo/reese witherspoon performs an emergency operation on a man who passed out due to, in mark ruffalo's words, "pneumathurman"). thankfully, my pneumothorax case wasn't as serious as that. as the doctor in the ER talked to me about it, it was as if his mouth was just going up and down in a nonsensical motion as i stared blankly at him pretending like i actually understood what he was saying. haze, who was with me in the ER, had to explain everything to me all over again. i think the air that accumulated in my lungs had such an effect in my brain, too.

see, never underestimate pain. i could've totally ignored the breathing pangs that i felt that whole day and carried on with my life thinking that it would pass, to think that pain was already my lung ejecting out air as it slowly collapsed. as i waited for my mom in the ER and waited to be brought up in my own room as a "patient", i could not believe something like this can ever happen to me. i know this is a very arrogant thing to say, but i've always thought being young meant being invincible. i, for one, was an advocate of that. a few weeks before this incident, i was even in one of those contemplative moods wherein i thought how incredible my resistance was because i haven't been sick for a very long time. during the hayday of my smoking, i must've smoked an average of a pack a day. if i was gonna pay the price for that, i thought i would when i get much much older, but never now. not when i'm at my prime. when i quit cold turkey sometime in november, that's probably when the effect took its toll. if i never quit, i can't imagine what more could happen. cancer when i'm 35 perhaps? i'm not trying to be an advocate of a smoke-free world here, maybe my lungs aren't that strong as i thought they are compared to everybody else's. in fact, maybe I'M not that strong at all as i thought i am.

then that's when it hit me. everything is so temporary. as much as i fear aging and getting older, it's absolutely inevitable. i'm not 17 anymore, i haven't been for a long time. and as time continues to tick, i'm getting farther and farther away from that. i can't even walk up a flight of stairs now without taking a minute to catch my breath, when i could've ran all the way up without so much as a pause just about 5 years ago. i mean, it's finally happening, and it will continue to happen whether i like it or not. i will age, and i will get weaker. my body won't be able to do so much things that i've always done when i was younger, considering i've had nicotine and alcohol flowing through my veins for quite a time now. i know i've been cocky about how i have that NEVER SAY DIE attitude, thinking that nothing's ever gonna happen to me. how i can smoke and drink and drive my body to the edge because i'm YOUNG, but the truth is, it pays back. and it pays back with a price... a price tag, that is (boy, did the hospital bills hurt!).

i can't believe it took me about 40grand and a boracay trip just to realize all that. but you can say i've taken to the healthier route now. i actually have the moment i've taken a conscious effort to finally stop smoking, but it's on a new level now that there's an entire body i have to think of, too - my heart, my liver, my kidneys, my brain, my pancreas...! it's crazy, but now i think corny is the new cool. no to smoking. no to, well, i guess there's only smoking. i don't suppose occasional drinking has any fatal effects at all, dunnit?

anyways, there's nothing morbid about all this. not when my hospital room had the best view in town. i took this shot during my last night, and for the 4 nights that i've stayed in med city, this view never failed to brighten me up. (visitors were obliged to stay until nighttime just to see this)


after two weeks

i can't believe i would ever say this with much gusto in the almost 24 years that i've been in existence but...

i can't wait to be back to work tomorrow.

rawr. can you believe those are actual words coming from me? it's as if i said something like "i can't wait to see a snake in my bed," or "i think i'd like mud for dinner. make that mud AND shit." it's that paradoxical. and the hard part is, i know i'm gonna regret ever thinking that. EVER! i mean, who in a person's right mind would choose to go to work than, say, sleep all day? not me. not me, until i have spent about two weeks of doing nothing but that. i can't say it was all bad, not when i spent the first half of it in a hospital, then the second at home while "resting" and ultimately, missing my beach trip in the process. i would've slashed my wrists and cried out "whyyyyy????" to the highest heavens, but i didn't. it is tragic, and i've already had my fair share of people giving me nods of sympathy, and consoling pats on the back as if missing the beach was the worst thing that could happen to me (come to think of it, it is). everyone who found out i was in the hospital, with a pending surgery a week before boracay had that thought in mind - pa'no na ang beach ni mica? heck, even all my attending doctors and nurses knew i was canceling a trip to the beach. they fondly referred to me as "yung hindi na pwede magboracay".

but let's work our imaginations here, shall we? if i were better... right about now, i would be probably drinking to my heart's content considering as this would be our last night on the beach since getting on the island last friday. i will be pissed drunk for about the third night in a row, probably stealing a smoke or two, lying on the beach, talking to myself and counting the stars. my phone will be far away from me, so as not to cause any psychological destruction on anyone. i'll be coaxing my other friends to drink up, ergo there would be more of us drunk and i won't be the only one who'll be doing the humiliating things drunkards do when they're, well, drunk.

errr, that's not really my idea of beach fun. not my idea, but most likely to have happened. though the idea of lying on the beach, talking to myself and counting the stars sounds more like it. but at this point, i've completely made peace with the fact that yes, i missed that bora trip me and my high school friends have sooo looked forward to since last year. it's painful, but as they say, bora isn't going anywhere (yeah, but our money will). fine, it's better this way i guess. my mom keeps saying my attack could've happened in bora, and no one would have known how to deal with it (they wouldn't be able to fly me pa, because of the pressure). although my missing the beach and the fun (dang i even bought a new bikini!!!) with my friends is as bad as it gets, i still believe it has a reason. gawd, there better be! i already paid my ticket and room reservation for this. HAHA!

i just remembered... once upon a time i made a wish that i'd get to experience the life of a bum again, that i'd at least get a week's vacation from work. it's true what they say then, be careful what you wish for, they might just come true. as ironic as this sounds, mine actually did - with very very ironic repercussions.

P.S.: a lot of people think it was my gym that triggered the attack. i'm just clearing that NO, my gym activities had nothing to do with it AT ALL. not even the doctors knew what caused the pneumothorax. so i'll stay with the smoking, by far it's the one that sounds most logical.

P.P.S.: this new layout sucks, but bear with me for a while. my last blog layout had some problems. so until i found a new kick-ass layout, i'm sticking with this one.

"did i save the world?"

i got this heroes personality test from macy. and being a heroes fan myself, just had to find out who i'm most in sync with out of all the characters. i was hoping i'd be a little like hiro nakamura, jessica niki or micah sanders, or maybe eden mcCain. but i'm not AT ALL disappointed at who my heroes alter-ego turns out to be:

Peter Petrelli
You scored 62 Idealism, 58 Nonconformity, 20 Nerdiness

Do you ever... get the feeling that you were meant to do something extraordinary?

Congratulations, you're Peter Petrelli! You are a compassionate, idealistic person, which is great. You're searching for your identity and purpose in life, and you have a strong desire to be special, and do something great for the world. You're a bit on the emo side, but you have the best of intentions.

Your best quality: Empathy

Your worst quality: EMO

********

Ok, so i turn out to be emo after all LOL. i heart peter petrelli, i really do! he's really one of the nicest characters in the series. i feel like everything's gonna be ok whenever he appears. kind of like how i feel about jack bauer (of 24), only less violent. it also helps that peter petrelli happens to be one of the hottest men in heroes, too.

vday movies and high school love

wotta week. not even that... wotta month! wotta FEB! nothing noteworthy, actually still the same-old-same-old routinary life, but there's something about the past couple of weeks that's just mundanely extraordinary. first off, i was able to watch two awesome movies in less than a month. again, if you knew my movie-going rate, this is considered news headliner. call it valentine theraphy but heck, i totally fell in love with both of them!

i first watched the holiday with the PR girls because haze wouldn't take no for an answer. so off we trekked to the fourth floor one night after work. effing good flick. two words: JUDE. LAW. but apart from lusting after his yumminess, the holiday completely had us smitten. i was sitting beside ingrid and there we were crying our eyes out. and that's saying a lot because i NEVER cry at movies (save for godzilla and king kong. i have animal issues.) the script was superbly written, there are so many quotable quotes all throughout. i always feel for the kind of character that kate winslet played in this one, and it's so refreshing to finally see jack black play a sophisticated and suave (yet still funny) kinda fella. cameron diaz didn't disappoint, either. she's so good in comedies, but she pulled off playing more than just a "funny girl" in this one. the only other romantic movie of her that i love is the sweetest thing, just because i saw myself in her character there ("i'm not gonna be afraid"). and his sexiness (read: jude law) is absolutely adorable! seriously. i can't elaborate on that enough, because y'all would have to be blind not to see how gorgeous he is. everytime he's flashed on the screen is like, salvation on earth.

a movie has to come with a rocking soundtrack to make it... err, rocky? that's where incredibly talented musician imogen heap comes in the picture. and that's when our imogen heap madness in the office started. i've always liked imogen heap since hearing her songs on the OC, but you can say it intensified to so many levels after seeing the holiday. she is one of the finest artists i know right now, and it's a damn shame that her CD isn't available locally! so thank heavens for the beauty of downloading. her song goodbye and go is the perfect "LAB YU LECHE KUNG ALAM MO LANG" kinda song, and just for now and hide and seek have me in tears EVERY single effing time.

and speaking of songs, music and lyrics had a lot of that! it was the perfect valentine movie ;) really cute, not really the usual rom-com but still equally charming. i watched that one with my gurps claire, jenny, sarah and friend, as per our annual valentine thing (this is the... 4th? gasp. time skyrockets) seriously, how more adorable can it get putting drew barrymore and hugh grant in one flick? i never knew hugh grant can be quite the belter, and he's pretty good, too! as always, drew barrymore gives a whole new meaning to cuteness. the songs in M&L are really catchy, and props also go out to the ditzy "i don't think anymore... i just exist" pop singer cora.

back to highschool

last night had me and my high school girls trooping to magallanes in makati to celebrate grace's 24th birthday (which happens on the 26th). it's always so fun to see them! i love my st. scho girls to bits. it's like we keep changing (obviously getting more gorgeous everytime haha) but we're always the same, maybe not as rowdy and boisterous as before. though there's still that essence of the kulasa high school left in all of us that will probably stay until we're ol' and grey, which are rowdy and boisterous. anyways, i love it that we're still the same girls even after a decade so many years since high school.

then saturday had me, myra, and marianne trooping to glorietta for our "boracay shopping". yesss boracay is less than 2 weeks away i can't friggin' waiiiiit!!! anyways, we spent majority of the day walking around the mall for anything beach-worthy, but ended up completely disheartened. ang daming maganda at wala naman kaming pera! ayoko na maging mahirap!!! :( zara was heaven, tango was heaven, bayo was heaven, rustan's U was heaven, debenhams was heaven, freeway was heaven, damn even bench penshoppe was heaven. everything seems to be on sale, but still can't purchase anything! aguuuuy kay sakit ng walang pera. sino ba nagsabing libre mangarap? good thing there's always coffeebean to wipe the blues away.

shet sunday na, monday na naman bukas ang biliiiiis!!!

lonely hearts still beat the same

Current Valentine songs: Slow Dance / John Legend, I Wish You Love / Rachael Yamagata, Love Show / Skye


teehee.

never mind the bitterness emanating from the pic above. since i've always celebrated valentine's day in the same state as i've always had *in my lonesome*, there's nothing i can say about it much except that this is gonna be the same one as last year's. and the year after last. and the year before that. and so on and so forth. after work, i will find a way to buy my mother flowers, as i traditionally do for about the 6th year now. then have dinner with the entire family, probably walk my dogs after a hearty meal, clean up after pipay (after she pees and poops everywhere), take a shower, listen to my CDs, watch american idol... and attempt to sleep.

in short, it's gonna be like any other day. except that i'm making a sidetrip to dangwa, and will be biting my tongue from any expletives that will *most probably* come out of my mouth upon the sight of flowers.

happy hearts, y'all!

to the one who blames it all on me

i've kept my peace for long. but i've been involved in this ridiculous brouhaha far too much than i have imagined, much more than i have hoped for. and now i think it's just right to finally give my two cents' worth.

i never thought something like this could happen to me. i never thought that time will come when people you thought were your friends would find a way to talk shit about you. but i guess life has a funny way of doing that. i obviously will not talk about this dilemma in detail, it's just that i need to do this for me. not merely to clear my name, because frankly, there's nothing i need to defend myself against. i just want to personally address this to someone, a friend from the past, who has managed to point an accusing finger at me for things i have nothing to do with.

i wouldn't say we're friends, to call you that now would be a joke. but i need you to know that whatever bullshit you're feeding the people around you will only reflect how sorry your life must be going right now. it's hilarious how you insist this is all my fault, to the extent that you tell on me to people who i hold dear - and what lies they turn out to be. i wouldn't have stooped down to your sorry level, because i can't fathom how shallow and narrow-minded you are. but then, where's the fun in that? it's so much fun making fun of someone like you. i should've started doing that even before.

this all sprung from a text message i received last night, a message from a person accusing me of not knowing what's right for her sister - who happens to be one of my very best friends. it hurt, boy did it hurt. it hurt that for a while, i wanted to give this person a heated piece of my mind just to tell her how stupidly wrong she was. i mean, how dare she judge me? what does she know?? for a while, i was blinded by rage that i suddenly wanted to wring someone's neck right then and there. then it all made sense, where else would her accusations come from but YOU? you, who have absolutely NO CLUE as to what's really going on. i could go on and on insulting your very core, but frankly, you don't even deserve that much. i'd pity anyone who would take his/her time of day for you.

from the get-go of this drama, i kept quiet. i didn't judge anyone, i didn't tell people what to do, instead i let them learn from the decisions they made. who am i to dictate to anyone what they should or should not do? personally, i found nothing wrong with that. i come from a family where we were raised not to misjudge people with that kind of background. i didn't feel it was right to control other people's feelings - oops, but that's what you're good at, no wonder people leave you all the time.

no one holds the right to judge someone based on the relationships he/she holds with the people around him/her. but i'm not surprised that someone like YOU would. clearly, it tells a lot about that pea-sized mind of yours.