making it look like i'm ok when frankly everything is so screwed and i really don't know why but it just is

sounds like a fallout boy song title.

my birthday went by rather smoothly, and by smoothly i mean everyone was too tired to celebrate (including moi) because of the major hell event that happened the night before. FHM was a big success to the expense of my feet, which i pronounced dead by the time i got home. it was crazy running back and forth that huuuge place, and the heat didn't help either. the only thing that bothered me a lot was the fact that i didn't feel it was my birthday at all, i mean personally speaking. the previous years, i used to be excited the whole day, never mind if people remembered or not. just knowing it was my birthday was enough to make me all giddy, but this year it was like i couldn't have cared less. the day just passed me by and it was like any ordinary day, i'm surprised at people who greeted me and were even more excited about my birthday than i was. really disturbing, if you ask me. must've been the fatigue from all the work. but i'm so glad that's done with, and the next event we gotta worry (or look forward to, for a more positive approach) is the cosmo bachelor bash. but right now i gotta get better because i've been feeling sick and shitty (to the core) lately, i gotta get the freak back on soon. get the nega vibes out of me!

speaking of feeling shitty, i skipped work today and spent the day at home, thanks to the inhumane pain that my menstrual cramps bring every month. instead of getting the much-needed rest, i spent most of it in rage, as usual. the PC at home is so effed that my mom had it rebooted yet again, deciding to erase all my files because "it took up too much space" without consulting me, including my precious collection of a thousand mp3's i've so patiently collated all this time. oh man, was i pissed. that really really sucked. not to mention the fact that i have to re-install everything: iTunes, restore all the music, and attempt to bring back all those songs all over again. but anyways, it was all good after locking myself up in my room because i got to sleep everything off just to soothe the rage, and now i have no idea how on earth i can possibly sleep again for the night after having a 5-hour nap.

on to other exciting news, i just found out that initial d will be shown in manila on july 12. edison chen! oh be still, my beating heart. i must've fallen in love with him all over again after reading another interview of him here and his fabulous lifestyle company called CLOT. check out his blog here because he actually has a few interesting things to say, and i'm not just saying that because i'm destined to marry the guy. reading about his insights makes me want to take risks i've been so afraid of taking, and start following my dreams of... simply becoming. i've been seriously thinking of studying abroad lately (hopefully down under or NZ), and opening a business of my own in the future, but i don't know how i can possibly get those done, considering they require a certain amount of moolah which clearly, i've been lacking since the day i was born. but reading about how edison made it and how he managed to finally live out his dream of becoming a musician slash business honcho slash designer extraordinaire slash international entertainer (the guy designs NIKE sneakers and levi's pants and coordinates with different designers the world over for his company CLOT. he just finished filming his first hollywood movie the grudge 2. that is one scary movie i will risk watching in the cinemas, all for the love.) wow, i can seriously marry him now.

so there. past 1AM and not a tad bit sleepy. uh-oh. thank god i got the entire season 5 of 24 to keep me sane the whole night (i'm on disc 6 of 8!) i am soooo loving kiefer sutherland as jack bauer at the moment. <3

no more excuses

i think i'm finally in the mood to write about something with substance after so long. and i mean looooong. have been in an on-off state of blogger's block crisis and well, i intend to change that. wawa naman my blog.

let me start off by saying it is finally my second most favorite month, because it is only during the months of July and December that I find all the reason and excuse in the world to celebrate like mad. and what a way to celebrate, the only other biggest event in this company happens to fall on the eve of my biggest day (my only day, actually). since i couldn't be one of the FHM 100 sexiest women in the world for all men to drool over, they decided to hold the BIG victory party on the day before i welcome my 23rd year, instead. touching, but a LOT. OF. WORK. this only happens twice a year (the other one being the equally crazy cosmo bachelor bash event) so bring it, bitches.

not to mention 2 weeks before this, the staple fashionista mag in this company held its biggest event, too. the Preview Best-Dressed Ball was, err, for well-dressers everywhere i.e., not ME. so i had to involuntarily blow off half of a month's pay for clothes which will make me look less than ordinary for one night, just to fit in. poser amp! i love fashion and everything but frankly, i don't love it like that. i love the thought of shopping but it's not like i do it on a normal basis (only when i feel like, uh, being broke and whining about it) it's fun getting dressed and glammed-up, but it's really suffocating being in a room full of chichi people who act like fashion is all that matters. but it wasn't so bad, i did get to finally own a pair of smashing knee-high boots which i've always wanted just because. the theme was rock chick (last year's, the first Preview event i've been to and got smashed like hell, was modern indigenous) in partnership with RockEd Philippines, a really kick-ass organization pretty much in the likes of ONE and make poverty history. it's about time this country finally decided to do something about our sorrier-than-sorry poverty state! it's a little weird seeing Preview and RockEd in partnership, but i guess every little thing helps. fashionistas may be the most unlikely people to be involved in an NGO-ish movement, but RockEd is something that goes against the makibaka norms and will literally benefit everyone. besides, RockEd Philippines' founder Gang Badoy is just awesome! she's a really eloquent speaker who clearly gets the point across. basta idol siya, ang galing nya shet!

then after tomorrow, another story will unfold. the madness that is FHM. Lord, help us all. please.

then after after tomorrow, birthday na! here's to 23 years of kasabugaaaaaaaaannn with no signs of getting it together. inuman na 'to, boy!